Give Up

You win some, you lose some. You try to win more than lose. You can fight hard for that and you try to improve yourself, it helps to have a target. But when the only thing in mind is beating the opposition without regard to the fight in itself, without appreciating the virtues of the game or work, when the target is to get ahead of someone irrespective of where you want to be, it is time to retrospect what it is that you set out to be and what has been happening since.

So, you don’t persist on some fights all together, you let them go. Because it is you who have to decide whether it is worth the effort and time. There may be better things to fight for, better things to slug out than straining over some battles you consider inconsequential,  just because you are compelled to by circumstances, or agonized  and enraged by some people. You don’t throw stones in mud, because you may have wars worth fighting, waiting ahead.

It takes some courage to do that – to give up – when people are watching and waiting to see you complete what you started. As if these people own a part of your battle and they are entitled to see you bleed and sweat over things irrespective of the worth of whole thing to you. They laugh at you when you fall, they do cheer when you succeed, but they are disappointed when you call it off, and they want to see you fight back, because they are invested in your efforts and struggle, irrespective of the results. These people, you can forgive, but don’t forget.

So, I run my own race, keep my own score, independent of the world around – at least I try. I change, to sync my goals to the changing circumstances and make situations compatible with my to-do thing. But I can’t let time and people change the goal posts, because fuck them both.