Things You Better Not Try

                                       Pic Cour.: Sru.

 

This list could very well be infinite. Ill keep adding up the new funny things regularly. If you have anything as funny, you can tell me in the comments and ill include yours at the top of the list.

 
Ø Wake up your neighbor at 2 am and ask him about the schedule and venue of the next days cricket match between Bangladesh and Sri Lanka.
 
Ø Go straight to the happiest person in the group. Ask him how he was and as soon as he replies, just go on saying “So you took your bath today, huh??”
 
Ø Return the paper blank in 30 minutes and when the examiner says “Why don’t you write something?” look at him as if he were a door-to-door sales man and reply “Next time.!” He would also refuse to give your question paper back unless you sit for one hour but be strong to say “No, thanks”
 
Ø Whenever you find a question in the exam asking “Can you tell that” about some useless phenomenon or “Can you give the list” of something…. Don’t rethink. Just answer straight - “No.”
 
Ø Whenever your bro or sis is acting lazy to take a bath, start playing with his small conscience talking about how dirty it feels and how you are allergic to sweat and how ugly you feel about him. You can even act as if he/she is untouchable. Ten minutes of that shit and you are in for a real good fight (or thrashing).
 
Ø  Message your friends who are waiting for you for the past half an hour “Wait for 2 minutes and ill be there in one hour”
 
Ø You go for a dinner at relative’s house and they ask you what you want to eat. Ask back “What did you cook TODAY?”
 
Ø Someone is talking something rubbish and going quiet silly at that. Just shout "AAAAAAAhhhhhhh" but before he hits you, convert it into a tune "AAAAAAAha ha haha Oho ho hoho"
 
Ø "What’s the time?"

 "What do you expect?"
 
Ø Some old friend calls up and asks "Guess who this is?!"
Reply "Don't you know yet?"
 
Ø Go to your mom in the afternoon when you are hungry. Ask her "Did you cook anything today?" Then correct yourself saying "What did you cook today?"

A lesson on screwing up your life

He wasn’t the best student in our class. But wasn’t bad enough to end up like he did! Our only hope now is that its not the end..

After passing 10^th grade in a not so grand B grade along with us, he chose POLY TECHNIQUE over the regular intermediate - with electronics as majors. No one said it was bad. It wasn’t. Except that it was a 3 years course. But had a benefit that the B.Tech that followed was reduced to 3 years for them. But that is still a long way! The first year in the 3 year poly technique shit, he cleared most of the subjects. Not beginners luck but enthusiasm and a small dread that was assumed from the school. Then the problems started with the following semesters. He started failing more subjects as the course grew. The problem wasn’t the complexity of the course. It was the amount of distractions he gathered around himself.

But even then he wasn’t fully into the pickle yet. He struggled with some new subjects, cleared some old ones and so it was alright till the third year. Then came a new circle of friends into his world implying that he completely lost track of whats happening for three months or so. Even that was not the end. He eventually moved away from them and had a whole 2 months or so before the final exams of the third year. And he had some seven subjects in the spare as back logs. No one knows how he spent those two months and no one cared then actually. So he wrote the finals. To be correct, he just attended them and gave a blank paper most of the times. Other times he had more important works to do than write the most important exams in his life.

He flunked the exams successfully after his tremendous efforts. The girls in the middle would be a special mention here but he’ll never agree with me there. Maybe he is right. I don’t know. But that failure was just the beginning of a series of extravaganzas.

So he failed and he convinced his family that he was gonna complete it in the next year without any doubt. He wrote the exams in September again. Sorry, he just bunked all of them because there was still another attempt left for him. He told his parents that September was the last attempt but the results would come in May or something. So he still had the March attempt.

For March, he studied a bit more sincerely, at least because we were pressurizing him to do so. So he wrote the exams and wrote fine till the day before the last exam when he bombed me with another fact. That he didn’t write any of the exams except the first one. And first one, he gave gathered enough strength to give a blank paper. I tried not to get animated. I only hoped that he was trying to make an ‘april fool’ out of me. He wasn’t.

To sum it up, In addition to the one year that he wasted after the third year, he accomplished the task of wasting yet another year. The problem is that he is still at the beginning of that year! Its like standing at the foot of a huge mountain and wondering if he would ever reach the top. In fact, whether he wasted one year or a lifetime depends how his dad reacts when he gets to know this grand news! 

And now am off to play cricket. Of course with the lead character of this story!     

And yeah..no comments  :-)

 

Pessimism doesn't suck

The world belongs to optimists..

People say hope is everything. Obama uses one word ‘hope’ and gets elected to the most powerful office in the world. Thinking positive always helps and gets us enthusiastic and energetic regarding the task at hand. A pessimist life is weak and dreadful they say..

But what about all those things that you expected to happen some other way but ended messed up? If you had expected them get messed up already, don’t you think you would have been in a more feasible position to work them out more efficiently? Then you would have had the best result without any risk. Even if you could not solve it and even if the work is completely screwed, you would be more happy than before because you already expected it to get screwed and did your silly best to make it any kind of better..so no disappointments.

In addition, thinking of the worst makes people active. Makes them work hard to avoid it at any cost. Hence better efforts..And more importantly the best thing about pessimism is that you are proved right or else you were wrong for your own good!

TERRORISM – the funny side

Don’t take this in the wrong sense. I tell you, don’t take this in any sense at all!

Advantages of terrorism!!

Though the advantages do not even compete with the ravage and damage caused by terrorism, they still exist. Why else do you think the so-called superpowers still bear with the Pakistans and Al-Qaedas..

1. Economy – many people do not know that terrorism runs a parallel economy of illegal activities, smuggling and even some vital industries. If the western world were to eradicate Al-Qaeda and allied forces, which they are very capable of, the world economy would collapse in no time. Osama bin laden and co. own the major share in gum Arabic company, which exports a special gum to most of the world including America. This gum is vital in production of newspaper, cool drinks etc. Therefore, whenever you buy a newspaper or drink, you are supporting Osama!

2. Boon to the opposition – What better reason to accuse the ruling government, for the opposition, than the security to the lives of the people. I think politicians are the ones who look forward to such attacks more than the terrorists themselves do.

3. Press survives – you know how many people live in news media industry? As reporters? As anchors? As writers? In thousands..In addition, without terrorism, the whole sector would collapse virtually. It’s a fact that today terrorism is the main source out of which interesting shows or articles can be made out.. People want to watch or read interesting things. And terrorism makes news quite interesting!

4. Insurance – Earlier, the government used to introduce special tax benefits if people invested money in life insurance policies, to encourage people to take insurance cover. Now, it can comfortably withdraw all those exemptions. Because, when you are not sure whether you’ll return back home or not from that flop movie you dared to go, you sure would not hesitate taking a LIC policy ha..

5. Publicity – Anyone cared to observe the sales trend of GOKUL chat after the bombings? Its earning in lakhs day to day and now its also planning a new branch! I mean how’s that for publicity..You’ll find more people standing near gokul chat on a normal weekday evening than you’ll find in a MacDonald’s on any weekday! So, terrorism indirectly is boosting some popularity for places like that..

6. Recession – It gives us a reason to take our heads away from the economic failures and lay-offs.

7. Oneness – Nothing binds two sections of people more than a common enemy! People of Mumbai, for instance, have put their bullshit regional differences aside for as change to bring out a solution for this problem (Though they are not going to make much of a difference).

8. Security Personnel – Another economic sector booming because of terrorism. Also, causing handful employment activities to the people with fewer brains and more bodies! Again how else do you think the commandos and the special task forces get prove their efficiency if not for those incidents.

9. Self Esteem – How many of you are really born for a cause? Look their prospective - These people - the terrorists – are made to believe that they are born for one! Either a terrorist is training, hiding or in a mission, or he is already dead! Even the suicide bombers – Jihads - think that they are going to attain immortality. Damn about immortality and eternity but imagine the pride in the minds of those Mumbai terrorists minutes before they jumped into that suicidal action!

Resolution - or Things like that..

Well.. “What’s your resolution?” routine question around these times, eh.. I don’t know many people who’ll ask me that.. well I don’t have that kind of people around me.. and that’s one of the main reasons I didn’t make any resolutions till date.. I don’t intend to make any now anyways..

but it’s a interesting topic right!! Why? Because people always expect to hear weird things about resolutions.. at least interesting things.. or maybe it interests to hear out other people about how they wish they were..

so lets talk about the various resolutions one can make..maybe the various resolutions YOU can make.. :P

the best one would be to be more sensitive.. and if u ask my father, he’ll want me to be more sensible!!

Nevertheless, aint you happy the way you think you are... you don’t need to be sensitive as long as people know you are not an asshole. Anyways practical is what works today..what else..being sensible is out of question anyways .. :P

getting more marks..don’t you think getting marks is what you’ve done all through your life..

Getting up early is so out of fashion.. Don’t try to make new friends because best friends are not made, they just happen and too many friends is not good for health either.. :->

If you were going to college only for attendance and it is working fine, you need not change. It is not worth it.

Don’t get into weird things or Guinness book achievements, you’ll look stupid doing such things.

Don’t try to get in touch with departed friends because the main reason to part is that you were already bored of each other..At least they were!

Don’t make a resolution to visit places just for the fun of it.. Its not a valid reason..

To make a resolution not to make a resolution ever looks so silly, right!!

Are you thinking of going to yoga classes or some other exercise? Believe me its not going to work out.. certainly not for you..

Any more alternatives in mind, huh? Come on, there’s no straight rule that you’ll have to make decisions only at the start of a fresh year.. So take your own time, if you intend to make any decision that is.. :-))

Reality Check

Everyone has a dream in school, don’t they?? To be a pilot is quite famous :P and some others dream to make India corruption less!!

Everyone wants to be someone who inspires some other person. All of us wanted to become that high profile person in Hollywood movies having the power to make important decisions regarding matters having a high stake. We look in the mirrors and look so deep that it would break thinking “I wanna be a play maker someday. Someone at the top of the list”.

I too went through such phases. That was somewhere down in the school. Then in my 11^th and 12^th I learned that it was not easy to become a celebrity overnight. I decided that I still had some time to enjoy before I start out with serious hard work..

Now, being a graduation student I think I have matured somewhat. Being a successful person internationally or even nationally for that matter is more like impossible unless you start out very hard right from your school days whatever maybe the field you prefer unless you are extra talented. To be a playmaker is not a joke now.. being a leader is no more a fantasy to me(not that I am one now..).

But look at it this way – are you sure you wanna be a leader? Are you ready to sacrifice the little joys of your childhood to spend late hours in the coaching centers which give lessons to get a seat in prestigious institutions which in turn give coaching for some IITs? Are you ready to sacrifice the days when you were chit chatting with your best friends on your building terrace? Can you imagine the shape of your life without those memories? Can you sacrifice those times when you fought over the small bills of a bakery? Or the days when you spent the whole day in a playground playing less and fighting more? Or the joyous games with cousins during small get-togethers? Do you really wanna be a hero when you know that you are gonna be at the top but you are gonna be alone? With no one to really be happy that you are actually a hero? Can you miss out on those little birthday parties, birthday bums and heavy burgers? Is life worth it without those moments of little life when you shared your heart with your best buddies? Well, are you ready to ignore all the special friends you made over the years? The crush in your college for whom you actually go to college? Can you give up the long sessions of fights or arguments you had with your brother for a better salary than him?? (:|

Well, I am sorry - I can’t!!

So do the people who are out to be heroes really know what they are upto? Do they understand what they are missing? Do they ever understand that the environment they are in is not an obstacle to the dreams of their life but it actually is the essence of their unimportant life? Or do they realize that a few more bucks or a bit of applauds is not worth what they are missing – the actual life?

Well that’s how I look at life now. I am gonna be what I am meant to be. I am not gonna compromise my career because of small restrictions. I am still going to make it quite big. But equally so I am not ready to miss out the little joys which only my family and friends can give me - those joys which no success or salary package can afford. After all what is life when you don’t have a few people around you to joke at the fact that you actually succeeded or curse you at the fact that you were too lazy to succeed!!

Four A.m - Story of a beggar

Heyaa...back :-D. Well, four a.m is exactly the time i have finished this story and that has nothing to do with the actual story!!

I Am writing the story of a beggar here (No, I haven’t turned a beggar yet :-@) whom I and my friends happened to meet accidentally

This was when I was forcefully dragged to yadagiri gutta (Don’t act posh. you heard that place before, didn’t you? It’s a holy place btw)by friends. Why? They have this promise made to god which they have to fulfill (I don’t know the exact term :-P)

So we went there and finished whatever we wanted to do (I am not going into details for hell now) and on our way back through the stairs, we were passing by this beggar when one of us gave him a coin and we were going on when he said “Thank you, Sir”

We were not exactly surprised as he had every right to know basic English! We joked on our friend saying that a beggar could start speaking English after seeing him.

The beggars name was Ramalingam (I am not comfortable calling him a beggar too much), he was crippled, bent and his face was exactly how a beggars face would look like - worn out, uninterested and tired of life.

He somehow heard our talk and replied “Hello, I am a degree holder”

We were like shocked by that response but didn’t stop. After getting down a few steps, I gave the idea of going back and getting some info about how he got into such a position (just with a hope that we would learn to avoid at least one way of becoming a beggar!!) and one of us initiated and we went back to where he sat. But we didn’t go straight to him…We didn’t have the guts actually to go and talk to the man whom we accidentally insulted, we just sat on a rock a few steps from him and fought on who was to approach first. So, the guy who first gave him a coin went forward and dropped another one (keep count of the coins :-P) and started the conversation. I didn’t hear the whole of it as I joined in the middle. But I learned all the details later from them and this is the STORY OF RAMALINGAM THE BEGGAR (how’s that for a movie title eh? :->)

“I am from karimnagar district, usnabad” I means Ramalingam ra rascal! “I am a degree holder from public degree college in Usnabad. I am in this position by fate.” Then he told his whole story. “After my degree I got a job as an attender in a government office. Then, I changed a few jobs and in the end turned out to be a sweeper in a government hospital. I had some property, a wife and two children, a boy and a girl. Eventually, I fell ill and the doctors certified that one of my kidneys failed. So I took voluntary retirement and got a lump sum amount of Rs.6 Lakhs! “

I wonder if he was crippled from childhood.

“My property was on the name of my wife. She stole the money and ran away with another man and then sold my property off and now I don’t even know where she is! With nothing else to do, I turned out here to be begging. My children are studying under scholarship from government in a hostel. Both are district rank holders. I give them a helping hand with whatever I save here. I stay in a rented room down the hill here”

Well he didn’t last the whole story, he burst out crying half way down the story and we were moved. In fact, the first guy had tears in his eyes... our guy gave the beggar another coin and we found out the details of his college etc. We turned back not knowing how to console him (if there was any way). We dropped another coin and walked back.

But hopeless that we are, we were laughing in a few steps from there and I committed to myself that I was going to write the whole story of this Mr.Ramalingam on my blog!

Moral of the story: If you are reading this before the actual story, come from the first line now and you may get the lesson! But if you already read the whole story, then what is the point in telling you the moral? You must have already got it. Isn’t it?!! :-P

new blog about the college

I have opened up a new blog to give you an idea of how weird my college and friends are..
heres d link
www.weexceptme.blogspot.com

Why I am Messed UP Right Now..

5 reasons why i am in a complete mess
five point someone eshhtyle..

1. I have friends, who are too good to be abandoned.

2. C.A sucks.

3. I am obsessed with this fucking blog.

4. People expect a lot from me but i have created sufficient distractions for myself to screw up my whole time.

5. Damn, i am lovin' it this way!!

A Shot At Patriotism

So why d hell are we talkin about this stuff?? especially in my blog??

oh come on..its d independance day on 15th of august every year (not that you don't know) though we got it only once.. And this, friends, is the best season to discuss what we are upto for our very own mother land ( such topics are grabbed like hot cakes these weeks, so i decided to go with the trend!!)

Now don't say "so what" - afterall we are Indians (u and i) and we are affected by such things if not bugged up!!

yeah, cute gal, i know.but she has some time to go before being called youth..
but what about us youth? what are we cooking for the future of the nation as well as ourselves?
we all know the - now age old - story of ABHINAV, his determination etc. And we already had enough of Sania Mirza's, Aishwarya's, Anil ambani's and Sunil mittal's

We dont have those talents and looks (Yes dumbo..we means you!!) nor do we have dad's gifts or extra-terrestrial determination. So what are we gonna do for India? We dont even have the world famous freedom movement now to participate (Blame the oldies)

Fine, i'll tell you what you can do for your nation, your people and most importantly yourself- Just be yourself..do what you decided to do at the time of ur 10th or 12th with best efforts and go atleast half the heights you imagined yourself to be in the next few years. You suceeding in your own life is more like winning a gold medal to your family & friends and the nation (directly or indirectly).



Ofcourse, doing something in the lines of rang de basanti would be cool, bt humko utna scene thodi hai yaar (hai tho dikhado - tumare baare me blog me zaroor likunga --->>promise)

All those Rang de basanti things happen in movies, its not a real life thing u see or else it wouldnt have been such a big hit. Anyways we are a bit too cool for that. what say??!!

Tell you what, doing things legal and paying your taxes when you are eligible to would be more than enough to boost of your patriotism. As a bonus, you are always welcome to clean it up when your dog pisses on the morning walk!!





Now don't think that i don't know the order of colours on the national flag..I have just arranged it in the way Indian politics is working nowadays!!

MEN are from MARS, WOMEN are from VENUS. So where did Children POP UP from?

John Grey gave 101 ways to 'SCORE' with d other sex in his over-rated book.. i found it more funny than useful..n this is why!!

On the left, ull find what the author 'advised' - On the right i have my own comments or additions or you'll find out!

And all this is just for fun, no offence meant. Learn to take things Easy phattoooooooo..(maybe i shud've inserted this disclaimer at the end of d article.. ;-))
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101 Ways to Score Points With A Woman

1.Upon returning home, find her first before doing anything else and give her a hug. - Even before going to the toilet?

2. Ask her specific questions about her day that indicates an awareness of what she was planning to do. (e.g., "How did your day go? Did you have fun at the mall?") - And "Whom did you have fun with?"!!

3. Practice listening and asking questions. - Have a trial run in front of the mirror

4. Resist the temptations to solve her problems. - If you are tempted that is!

5. Give her twenty minutes of unsolicited, quality attention (don't read the newspaper or be distracted by anything else during this time). - Match on the TV must be an exception for sure

6. Bring her cut flowers as a surprise as well as on special occasions. - Cactus will do?

7. Plan a date several days in advance, rather than waiting for Friday night and asking her what she wants to do - Several in the sense?

8. If she generally makes dinner or if it is her turn and she seems tired or really busy, offer to make dinner. - Keep a poison bottle ready for such occasions..

9. Compliment her on how she looks - Jhooth bolna seekh lo

10. Validate her feelings when she is upset. - Like " Yeah you have every reason to be upset so carry on"??

11. Offer to help her when she is tired. - But make sure you don't sound serious..

12. Schedule extra time when traveling so that she doesn't have to rush. - N also so that u don't forget HER..

13. When you are going to be late, call her and let her know. - Just in case you want to return back seriously.

14. When she asks for support, say yes or no without making her wrong for asking. - Obviously say NO

15. Whenever her feelings have been hurt, give her some empathy and tell her "I'm sorry you feel hurt." Then be silent; let her feel your understanding of her hurt. Don't offer solutions or explanations why her hurt is not your fault. - Even if the fault is actually yours?

16. Whenever you need to pull away, let her know you will be back or that you need some time to think about things. - Don't do it.. it may be your only chance to a easy divorce!!

17. When you've cooled off and you come back, talk about what was bothering you in a respectful, non-blaming way, so she doesn't imagine the worst. - Well, let her imagine the worst na..after all TODAY'S IMAGINATIONS ARE TOMORROWS REALITIES

18. Offer to build a fire in wintertime. - As i told u .. just OFFER!!

19. When she talks to you, put down the magazine or turn off the TV and give her your full attention. - You seriously mean it?!!

20. If she usually washes the dishes, occasionally offer to wash the dishes, especially if she is tired that day. - Don't make it a habit though.

21. Notice when she is upset or tired and ask what she has to do. Then offer to help by doing a few of her "to do" items. - When does she not look upset btw?

22. When going out, ask if there is anything she wants you to pick up at the store, and remember to pick it up. - But the problem is they don't sell those diamonds at the local general store..

23. Let her know when you are planning to take a nap or leave. - Take her permission in writing

24. Give her four hugs a day. - If you manage to meet that many times that is!!

25. Call her from work to ask how she is or to share something exciting or to tell her "I love you." - Do it after all it is the OFFICE phone.

26. Tell her "I love you" at least a couple of times every day. - Thank god he didn't say couple of times a hour

27. Make the bed and clean up the bedroom. - 'll do that enthusiastically i know. Its the most important part after all!!

28. If she washes your socks, turn your socks right side out so she doesn't have to. - so is it already decided who washes the socks?

29. Notice when the trash is full, and offer to empty it. - Only trash, don't take her along with it!!

30. When you are out of town, call to leave a telephone number when you can be reached and to let her know you arrived safely. - Don't do it..let her be happy for sometime dude..

31. Wash her car. - SILLY!!

32. Wash your car and clean up the interior before a date with her. - Why don't you take a bath too for a change???!!!

33. Wash before having sex or put on a cologne if she likes that. - WELL.. Reader discretion recommended here!!

34. Take her side when she is upset with someone. - So that you wont be hurt!!

35. Offer to give her a back or neck or foot massage (or all three). - Other parts must be strained too..savvy?

36. Make a point of cuddling or being affectionate sometimes without being sexual. - Is that possible?

37. Be patient when she is sharing. Don't look at your watch. - Mobile is an exception

38. Don't flick the remote control to different Channel's when she is watching TV with you. - Or else she might snatch it away!

39. Display affection in public. - Show off that you two are STILL together!!

40. When holding hands don't let your hand go limp. - Oh come on, its involuntary

41. Learn her favorite drinks so you can offer her a choice of the ones that you know she already likes. - Write it down instead

42. Suggest different restaurants for going out; don't put the burden of figuring out where to go on her. - Yeah dont put the BURDEN of going out at all..

43. Get season tickets for the theater, symphony, opera, ballet, or some other type of some other type of performance she likes. - Don't forget to take madam's appointment before hand.

44. Create occasions when you both can dress up. - Dress up 'each other'?

45. Be understanding when she is late or decides to change her outfit. - No additions..that's a good enough joke i assume!!

46. Pay more attention to her than to others in public. - Bit difficult i guess..

47. Make her more important than the children. Let the children see her first and foremost. - Obviously shes already more important..who cleans all that shit up if she's not present???

48. Buy her little presents- like a small box of chocolates or perfume. - Or a match box..

49. Buy her an outfit (take a picture of your partner along with her sizes to the store and let them help you select it). - Maybe you can save some cash that way!

50. Take pictures of her on special occasions. - Pictures in what positions?

51. Take short romantic getaways. - Make sure they are short so that your partner doesn't doubt you!!

52. Let her see that you carry a picture of her in your wallet and update it from time to time. - Update it with her Friends' pics?

53. When staying in a hotel, have them prepare the room with something special, like a bottle of champagne or sparkling apple juice or flowers. - How about using a COLOGNE here?

54. Write a note or make a sign on special occasions such as anniversaries and birthdays. - Sign on what? toilet paper???

55. Offer to drive the car on long trips. - Don't use that trick if you your going by plane..

56. Drive slowly and safely, respecting her preferences. After all, she is sitting powerless in the front seat. - Is that an advice or INSULT?

57. Notice how she is feeling and comment on it- "You look happy today" or "You look tired"- and then ask a question like "How was your day?" - Remember the order of the questions..there is a possibility of messing up here!!

58. When taking her out, study in advance the directions so that she does not have to feel responsible to navigate. - Recollect that if you had studied for any of your exams in advance you wouldn't have had the problem of studying the directions here coz you would hired a driver

59. Take her dancing or take dancing lessons together. - Maybe let her go alone, so that both of you will learn something!!

60. Surprise her with a love note or poem. - Why down you chill up.. if you were good enough why did she fall for her office crush!!

61. Treat her in ways you did at the begging of the relationship. - Well, you cant repeat the same mistake again. Can you?

62. Offer to fix something around the house. Say "What needs to fixed around here? I have some extra time." Don't take on more than you can do. - Yeah..screws in her head are seriously out of place!!

63. Offer to sharpen her knives in the kitchen. - And reduce the population in the kitchen with the sharpened knives..

64. Buy some good SuperGlue to fix things that are broken. - SuperGlue??? What the F**K

65. Offer to change light bulbs as soon as they go out.

66. Help with recycling the trash. - Please don't ignore environment-conscious advices ;-)

67. Read out loud or cut out sections of the newspaper that would interest her. - Cut out sections of her instead and the newspaper editor will be more interested.

68. Write out neatly any phone messages you may take for her. - Anything else, Ma'am?

69. Keep the bathroom floor clean and dry it after taking a shower. - More reasons to buy a new hair dryer!!

70. Open the door for her. - And close as soon as she gets lost!!

71. Offer to carry the groceries. - Now he'll advice you to carry d luggage

72. Offer to carry heavy boxes for her. - N pack it for her??

73. On trips, handle the luggage and be responsible for packing it in the car. - Oh now i have started guessing right!!

74. If she washes the dishes or it is her turn, offer to help scrub pots or other difficult tasks. - Do you mean they are really difficult?

75. Make a "to fix" list and leave it in the kitchen. When you have extra time do something on that list for her. Don't let it get out too long. - The trick is to make the list and forget it, so that she learns how to do it in your absence :)

76. When she prepares a meal, compliment her cooking. - Actually don't learn to lie but make it a habit..

77. When listening to her talk, use eye contact. - Only EYE contact?

78. Touch her with your hand sometimes when you talk to her. - Of course with your hands..you naughty!!

79. Show interest in what she does during the day, in the books she reads and the people she relates to. - Are you telling me to be suspicious?

80. When listening to her, reassure her that you are interested by making little noises like as ha, uh-huh, oh, mmhuh, hmmmm. - And like 'CHUUUUUUUUU TOMMY,Nai..'

81. Ask her how she is feeling. - She's feeling like kicking your ass off

82. If she has been sick in some way, ask for an update and ask how she is doing or feeling. - Shez feeling like shit and your presence only worsens it!!

83. If she is tired offer to make her some tea. - With some added flavours like..

84. Get ready to go to sleep together and get in bed at the same time. - What did you expect huh?

85. Give her a kiss and say good-bye when you leave. - The author apparently watches a lot of Hollywood movies..

86. Laugh at her jokes and humor. - And then you can laugh at the the fact that you have actually managed to laugh at those jokes..or that's what he calls 'em..

87. Verbally say thank you when she does things for you. - So as to encourage her to interfere again??!!

88. Notice when she gets her hair done and give her a reassuring compliment. - Reassure that this one is as bad as the previous one!! I mean the mirror!! lolz

89. Create special time to be alone together. - Alone or together? puhleeeeez don't confuse people.. [:-(

90. Don't answer the phone at intimate moments or if she is sharing vulnerable feelings. - Not even your girlfriend's call.

91. Go bicycling together, even if it's just a short ride. - The shorter, the better!!

92. Organize and prepare a picnic. (Remember to bring to picnic cloth.) - And remember to forget your patner

93. If she handles the laundry, bring the clothes to the cleaners or offer to do the wash. - You can't be so obvious. can you?

94. Take her for a walk without the children. - And let them do the cleaning if its your turn!!

95. Negotiate in a manner that shows her that you want her to get what she wants and you also want what you want. Be caring, but don't be a martyr. - Being MARTYR is out of trend anyhow

96. Let her know that you missed her when you went away. - 'Escaped her' would be apt..

97. Bring home her favorite pie or dessert. - And who is going to pay the fucking bill???

98. If she normally shops for the food, offer to do the food shopping. - Especially coz you eat More than half of it..

99. Eat lightly on romantic occasions so that you don't become stuffed and tired later. - Later??? Can't you be specific?

100. Ask her to add her thoughts to this list. - You actually thought anyone is gonna read this list seriously?

101. Leave the bathroom seat down. -Now that's a joke in itself and the best of all!!

as funny as it gets

This is by far d funniest passage i have read in recent times.so spare some time..worth it!!

Mind you, this article is just plagiarized from a blog which is as nasty as this passage gets. Nothing to do with me, except that i liked, and copied it :-P

THE BRIDGE OF RAM-ifications



We Hindus have taken a lot of shit from all the non-Hindus residing in our country. They
have taken our jobs, our land, our women, our wealth, and even a few rolls of our toilet
paper. We made an attempt to stick to the honorable technique of preaching non-violence and
then murdering them- they responded with the same. We demolished their churches andmosques

and covered it up saying that Parvati Melton’s boobs crashed into them- they didn’t buy
that. We sent anthrax-infected deer as part of a bio-warfare scheme to kill the Indian
Muslims- but Salman Khan shot all of them dead. Finally, we genetically engineered a
battalion of stand-alone monster cocks, in our laboratory in Los Angeles, to attack the
Indian Christians but they were intercepted by a hungry Britney Spears after her MTV VMA
performance. And just when we were about to announce a truce, the anti-Hindu Government
goes ahead and does something so insulting and offensive as suggesting that the Lord Rama
didn’t even exist; they want to demolish the Rama Setu, the bridge that Lord Rama built
thousands of years ago so that they can build a shitty canal for the economic growth of
India. Now, it’s war.

Thankfully, the official spokes-group for Hindus, the BJP, has taken matters
into their own hands. That is after all what Lord Krishna said to Arjun in the Bhagwad
Gita: “Ahead of you lies a pool of shit, trust the BJP to push you into it.” Apparently,
Lord Krishna rhymed. Urged by the BJP, Hindus from all across India march through the
streets protesting against this overt lack of respect for Hindu beliefs by the Congress
Government. Interestingly, they are met halfway by a vociferous group of Muslims.

Hindus: This is Hindustan. ‘Hindu’-stan. Figure it out. If you think that you can hurt our
religious sentiments and still keep all your internal organs in tact, you better get a new
doctor.

Muslims: When are your religious sentiments ever unhurt? Let a lady enter a temple, you go
berserk. Give birth to a female child, you flip out. Draw nude paintings, and your whole
world is on fire. You people should learn to not be so touchy.

Hindus: Ha, look who’s talking! Strike out all the days in a calendar when you Muslims
haven’t issued a fatwa against some loser or the other, and you couldn’t even make a week.

Muslims: That’s different. Those shitheads insulted our holy Prophet. That’s blasphemy of a
different kind.

Hindus: Well, our Lord Rama has been insulted and to us, that’s the biggest blasphemy
possible. He is the Hindu religion’s highest power.

Muslims: Oh, ok. So does that mean it’s alright to mock Krishna?

Hindus: No, he’s up there with Rama too.

Muslims: So, mocking Vishnu is fine, right?

Hindus: Umm…not really. The three of them are like a team.

Muslims: Then Siva, Ganesha, Durga, Laksmi, Hanuman, Saraswathy, and the others are open to criticism?

Hindus: Look, you bearded wise-cracks, all our three billion, five thousand, six hundred
and twenty seven gods and goddesses are important. Neither can you say anything about them
nor can you even slightly imply that they are just figments of imagination that popped out
of some guy who was really, really stoned.

Muslims: But seriously, how can anyone refrain from making a comment when they see
thousands of people queuing to get blessings from the idol of an obese elephant sitting on
a rat?

Hindus: In the same way you refrain from making comments on someone who gets so delusional
walking through the desert that he claims to have talked to God; in the very same way you
do not make comments on how this certain God’s messenger deemed it alright for old, paunchy
guys to have sex with girls who were seven or eight years old; in the same manner you back
out of criticizing this messenger’s claim that God wants every man to marry and impregnate
more than a dozen women like they were tube socks.

Muslims: We have no idea who you’re talking about.

Hindus: Just what the hell are you doing stopping us anyway? The Ram Setu issue has got
nothing to do with you. So why don’t you just buzz off? Isn’t it time for you fellas to go
have your seventeenth prayer of the day?

Muslims: Well, we thought you’d never ask. You see, this bridge that you so conveniently
designated Rama’s Bridge is in fact the creation of our Prophet Muhammad. He built it with
his own hands so that he could go talk to God who was standing on the other end.
Hindus (mocking): Oh, that’s about the funniest thing we’ve heard in a long time. Your

Prophet built this entire bridge all by himself? Ha, that’s rich! That’s so far removed
from reality.

Muslims: Oh, yeah, how do you claim your Lord Rama built it?

Hindus: Lord Rama got the help of his army of talking monkeys to help him build the bridge.

Muslims (sarcastically): Why, what happened? The steroid guzzling hawk was on strike?

Hindus: Well, for your information, Lord Garuda was injured trying to stop Ravana’s flying
chariot.

Muslims: Damn, who directed your religion? Michael Bay?

Hindus: Who designed your costumes? Stevie Wonder?

Muslims (angry): Do not mock our traditions, infidels!

Hindus: Hey, calm down. Why are you guys always so pissed off? Is it because all of you
were circumcised when you were kids? We agree, that’s got to sting. In fact, there’s every
chance that Osama would not have turned into a terrorist if he still had his foreskin.
Messing with a man’s penis can really piss him off for life.

Muslims (offended): It helps us last longer!

Hindus: Then why didn’t you just slice the whole thing off? You could have kept going all
night long.


(Before the angry horde of Muslims can respond a large throng of Christians arrive. The
Christians have condescending smiles on their faces as they shift their glances between the
Muslims and the Hindus)

Christians: Praise the Lord! How are you Ramaholics and Muhammadophiles?
Hindus and Muslims (in unison): It’s Hindus and Muslims.

Christians: Sure, sure, Praise the Lord!

Muslims: Why don’t you take your cross-bearing asses back home and praise the lord? What
the heck are you doing here?

Christians: We’re here to inform you barbarians that you are arguing over a moot point. The
bridge in question isn’t Rama’s Bridge nor is it Allah’s Bridge or Muhammad’s Bridge. It’s
in fact, Christ’s Bridge.

Hindus and Muslims (taken aback): Jesus Christ!

Christians: That’s right. The same guy. If you verify the facts you’ll see that Jesus was
in fact a carpenter. And if anyone was skilled enough to build that bridge it was Jesus.
Not Rama and the monkeys, not Muhammad and the camels.

Hindus: Carpenters don’t build bridges. Architects do
.
Christians: Jesus graduated a part-time course in Architecture as well. The only thing you
heathens need to know is that the issue is now ours. You guys can just pack up and go home.
The matter of Christ’s Bridge will be dealt with by Christians.

Muslims: Who do you think you’re talking to? You think we’ll just buy into whatever you’re
saying? You think we’re as gullible as your GOD TV audience? Your Jesus couldn’t even carry
a cross for a few miles and you’re telling us that he built this entire bridge by himself.
Let’s face the facts, maybe he spoke persuasively but he wasn’t cut out for physical work.

Hindus: Both of you should just leave when you can. This is a matter between the Hindus and
the Government. They expect to get away with saying that Lord Rama didn’t build the bridge
What are they going to say next? That his skin was not actually blue? So, leave us alone,
it’s a Hindu issue. Christians and Muslims should just scram the scene.

Muslims: You would love to play the victims, wouldn’t you? Well, guess what? It’s

Muhammad’s Bridge and it’s our sentiments that are hurt. We are the ones against the
demolition of that long pile of rocks.

Christians: If anyone’s a victim, it’s us. You Hindus and Muslims have been hogging the
spotlight for years with all your communal riots and shit. This is our time. We are the
victims. We deserve all the attention.

Hindus: No, we deserve all the attention.

Muslims: No, we do.
(Suddenly, a fourth group arrives. The group has a number of bald, half-naked monks with
plastered smiles on all the faces)
Hindus, Muslims and Christians: And who the hell you are you baldies?

Baldies: We’re the Buddhists. We have come here to ask you to not resort to violence.

Hindus: You have no business here, monkeys…or monks or whatever you people are.

Buddhists: Buddha says nobody really has any business anywhere. Just love each other.

Muslims: Seriously, you fellows need to take it elsewhere. We’re having a serious
discussion here.

Buddhists: Buddha says nothing in the world is really serious. Just love each other.

Christians: If you’ve come to claim the bridge you better wait in line, eggheads.

Buddhists: Buddha says that the bridge isn’t real. Nor are eggs real. Or heads. Let’s all
just love each other.

(The Hindus, Muslims, and Christians look at each other, nod in agreement and
simultaneously launch an all out attack on the Buddhists. The Buddhists are battered to
pulp within a matter of minutes. The bloodlust of the other three groups simmer down. They
sneer at the Buddhist carnage before them)

Hindus: They’re so gay.

Muslims: Total fudge-packers.

Christians: They put the homo in Homo sapiens. Praise the Lord!

(The three groups hold hands, walk away into the sunset, world peace and harmony ahead of
them and a bloody pile of fucked up monks behind them)

god? whoz dat? or whatz dat?

Here again I start something silly saying I am an atheist!!

After all there hasn’t been ne logical proof that god exists..they say god makes miracles happen and stuff..I say all that is bull shit!!

Miracles happen because we make them happen with the aid of our evolutioned brains or if that is not the case then its all coincidence or just random .Btw I didn’t experience any miracle happening to me? not even a remarkable coincidence to boost of?? What say? I know what you are about to say..'Wait for your chance, and then you’ll regret.' I am not going regret because it’s not my fault that I haven’t come across anything like that yet and hence no chance for the all popularized REALIZATION!!

My bro kinda changed my view negligibly..I had a small conversation regarding this before he left for Goa a few days back..He asks me if I knew that god doesn’t exist for sure? NO. So he concluded that since we are not sure if there is no supernatural being, there is a possibility that it exists even if that is very less in terms of probability. He went on to say that we have no right to comment on the issue that we not sure of!!

But here’s my point again - if I return to my house after a holiday, I’ll never know if there is a robber in the house. But because I don’t know whether there is anyone in there..I obviously open the lock assuming that there’s no one or else I would never dare to open it. Savvy?

Well d conclusion runs on like this..

If there’s an almighty we'd have known by now. Now people say god is beyond our understanding.then are we not to infer that he or it doesn’t want us to understand it?
Then what’s the point in all d prayers when he wants us just to live our lives than to search for him?.. Come on dude, if he wants us to worship him, he'd have let us know..and btw if you are wondering whether I am going to hell after reading this page? Then I still have a stand that I don’t know if someone was judging me at all!!
Or else don’t you think I would have been at my damn best to avoid dose invisible spy cams of heaven!!

Don’t get disappointed ..yesterday, a chat friend was saying "different people have different perceptions about god!"

That was just mine :-)

NOT Plagiarized (believe me)..

so what am i thinkin nw..??
naa...do not yet know what xactly i am thinkin nw..
mayb i ws thinkin bout somethng dat i intend to fill this space wid..
no..i ws thinkin if i cud create a brain child of mine to impress my visitors..
ya n i cn also boost of my creative skills to write somethin as new n refreshin as this!!

but what am i gonna write?

why d silly n funny thghts which flash at d time of going to bed and while chitchatting bullshit wid friends flash now, when i need their aid most.. ? ?

why does it seem (suddenly) that i all but cant create somethng impressive without plagiarizing somethng on d web? ?

again..mind ur words.. the word is RESEARCH i do not copy anythtng..i just borrow views from variety of sources, study them and create my own as a hybrid of one or more of those not-so-useful thoughts.

btw where do all those goddam writers n so called authors come frm? where do they get all those thoughts which i feel are easy to create? afterall all those are not as impossible to imagine you see..all it takes is to get into the imaginative mood..


well another silly querry forcibly pops up into my splendid greys- why am i never in that imaginative mood da?

i probe for the answer forever..no..i cant be ordinary..there's gotta b somethng special - a hidden talent or something - in me too..u c evrybody has one..

no REASONS found..the processor now executes a search for an EXCUSE..

the search is comeplete and one genuine result found!!

the reason is spam dude..

all the spam - i mean distractions - around me ( and also maybe in me ) that make my mind unidirectional..d idiot box as an example, orkut (obs) and many other things like this f**kin (beep!) blog i created without any justification whatsoever, and these classes n syllabus n whatnot? (yeah the pollution too has a hand i guess!!)

all these things gave a deadly blow to my creativity.(afterall its not my fault you see!!)

no, not that i am d only purposeless sole consuming this planet in d recorded history, bt i believed that i had the wits in me to create something which others cant think of, something which i can boost of not being plagiarized.

which is not as silly as this actually..

now..another search is executed by the processor.this time the question is "is there any chance of me getting to do somethig brainy?"

yup..why not dude..wait on..'khuda ke paas dheer hai par andheer nahi' (not that im Theist)

i still have loads of time to think nothing and then startoff thinkin something which is atleast not Nothing!!