Bed Bugs - The Ultimate Solution

When I first realized that bed bugs exist, I was scared. I didn’t know how to deal with them. I was not sure what risks they posed and what I had to do to get rid of them. I didn’t even know how to identify a bed bug until I researched online. Every time I detected a bed bug, I would kill it without mercy and dispose of the body. I would search for more of them in the vicinity and kill them all. I would hope that I killed them all, only knowing deep inside that it is the tip of the iceberg. I used to live in sort of discomfort, knowing that I am not alone on my bed. Slowly, I understood that I needed to be more systematic.

I started the learning process. I browsed through to see what problems they posed to my health and the solutions. It turns out the main problem is nuisance if you are sensitive to the bite. I am not sensitive to any shit, so I was somewhat comforted but still wanted to get rid of them. What if I become sensitive later? As it turns out there are not many ultimate solutions to the problem without setting your house on fire. Undeterred, I cleaned my whole place and used insecticides. I bought a new bed and washed all my sheets for the first time ever. I isolated the bed from the floor by covering the legs with water filled bowls. It was a complete job and it indeed seemed to work, at first.

Now I am a kind of man who wants to get things done once and for all. Maintenance is not my thing. So when I applied the whole bed bugs solution, I wasn’t anticipating that they would return again. I simply assumed that they ceased to exist. But weeks went by and they are back again. More in numbers, only to find me too lazy to get off my ass and clean again. I knew it cannot go on forever, I had to do something which would end the war.

This time I came up with a better solution. The ultimate solution. One that will never fail.

First, to find the root of the problem, I had to dig deep. Not into some holes on sides of doors, but into my mind. I introspected myself and my insecurities towards the creatures. I understood that the problem is in my mind rather than on the bed. No one is an enemy if you don’t want to fight them. I changed my attitude towards bed bugs. I realized that all they want is to live. And if it involves sucking some human blood, they are not to be blamed, it is in their nature. So I accepted them thus. I let them co-exist on my bed. They do, probably in thousands. But I don’t feel them anymore, nor are they annoying. If my giving up a small amount of my blood can help feed so many lives, it should probably add some karma to my souls account, I reckon. Though I don’t give a fuck about the karma stuff, it helps with the reasoning, So I let it stay. When I find a bed bug these days (or a dozen), I don’t kill it, I remember that it is part of the food chain. It is just incidental that it is higher on the chain than I am. In addition, knowing that I am not the king of the jungle keeps me humble.

Putting it Out There

Ø This is my first smart phone. Technically second, but given that I used that one for less than two weeks, this practically is my first smart phone (I have been using this for a month now). And its funny coz the first week or so, it seemed that the main purpose of having a smart phone is simply the phone. Managing that shit, customizing the Android, and taking advice from everyone who bought a smart phone before me.  It can start badly. But then maybe all the time I've spent on this thing will pay off over the years - if I don't lose it before then. Right now its most important use for me is playing online chess and watching some, er, videos. Coz face it, it's not possible to do any productive work on such a small thing, even as it is huge for a hand device. Desktops are being underrated currently. Even laptops don't provide the spacious feeling I get while using the detached keyboard of a lazy desktop. Sometimes old isn't really bad.

Ø When I see people still following IPL, it's as bad as they put it on that faking news joke. I mean what can they do. They lived all their lives watching that shit.  If it is good, they are just lucky - they will watch either ways. And there is nothing else to do other than watch cricket or porn for entertainment in India - porn is available in limited quantities. You can make navjot singh siddu stand there in middle of a pitch with a plastic bat and let him laugh, for like three hours, they'll watch - including the ads, there need not be a joke even.

Ø Recently I had an interview with a reputed bank. Profile wasn't what I was looking for but I still decided to have a go at the interview. Who knows, they may give me so much money that it doesn't matter how much the profile sucks. I should know better after all these years. As it turned out, I didn't give enough ough fucks to spend half an hour to revise the obvious basics. Standards for God's sake man. I did not even try to remember when they asked a question. I probably should not have gone to that thing is all.

Ø Ah, a lazy afternoon. I wish I had enough to afford a lazy afternoon once a while. 

The sixty seventh independence day - as no one else is counting

Just got this off my fb page: This happens to be the 67^th Independence day of India. Disclaimer: this was an Economic Times update on my fb – so buyer beware.

Truly we are running out of numbers. Last I remembered, people were going crazy about the half century figure but India is batting faster than Sachin after he completes his fifty. Wait, what’s my age now? Never mind.

So I was thinking why so much fuss about Independence day and its celebration. It’s quite funny to see people upload flags to their profiles to convince themselves that they still are patriotic. I could point it out to them, but then I’ll have no one to laugh at. When I think that the concept of nation is about its geography and borders as I read in the inaccurate geography text books in my high school, the illogical social text books in my high school correct me to say that the concept of a nation is its people and culmination of all the cultures it has accumulated when it was in slavery of the kings or whites, or bureaucrats later (I made that up, the text book doesn’t have the wisdom to say it).

Well, if it’s only about borders and spaces, there is no point in feeling sentimental about it. If it is about people, culture and all the crap that it comes with, the bottom line is the same. It’s more hypocritical than foolish and either ways, no need to feel attached and sentimental about it. I, for one, am starting to get allergic to  people and their stupid notions specifically because they restrict MY independence for the sake of something they are not sure they believe in.

The only good thing is that it is a public holiday. But even that’s got an angle. It’s a dry day (again, this info is not from an accurate source and I am too uninterested to google)

You want us to celebrate by holding it dry? I repeat: hypocrites.

Of Marwadi Engagements and Brahmin Marriages

If you are an unsuspecting guest, you will be left a bit shaken by the conventions and traditions of Marwadis’ like I was shaken when I attended a Marwadi friends’ engagement just a couple of days back. There are so many things you can crack jokes on that you won’t even mind all the discomforts. And you will not be bored by looking at the expressionless Marwadi faces either. Because that amuses, too.

The concept of a Marwadi engagement is divided into two halves. Like a movie or a cricket match or something else with two equal divisions. The first half involves formalities involving the bride done by bridegrooms’ relatives in specific absence of the bridegroom. The second half is vice-versa. I am not sure whether it is a rule to decorate the bride first and go on to the groom in the second part or the sequence is decided in a coin toss. That wouldn’t surprise me.

It is a custom in India that the marrying couple take blessings of each and every elder who comes onto their path, by touching their foot/toes in traditional India style. The emphasis on this practice is huge in western states. The Marwadi customs, maybe to make it more lucrative for the young ones, have a mandate that every time this toe-touching blessing-taking happens, the elder should give some cash to the young one. And Marwadis being Marwadis give amounts starting from Rs 20 up to a maximum of Rs 100. In some cases, Rs 10 also. In this particular case, the collection of the groom crossed an amount of Rs 1500 from some 100 donors.

The most interesting, actually scary, part of a traditional Marwadi function is the Lunch. God knows how they eat that food but that is the least of concerns. I was accompanied by another Telugu guy and we were called up to eat. We were given a place on floor to sit. We sat, facing each other. Then they kept a plate in between us, served some Puri s and Curries and stuff and asked us to eat. Both of us. In one plate. In fact, people were eating in groups of four and five from one plate. I and my friend ate whatever Puri and curries we could, left out some dishes we could not identify as suitable for human consumption and got up lest anyone would force us to eat rice. I mean, how can two friends meeting after long time mix rice with curries and eat from that single plate without being embarrassed for life about it? Just the thought gave us the creeps.

Anyways, we thought it was a great system to follow for our Marwadi friend when he throws a marriage reception in some banquet hall. Banquet halls charge on basis on number of plates used and these guys use one place for half a dozen people. That’s a Marwadi-level saving of 80% on expenses! Let’s not think about the plight of that banquet hall owner.

I’ve also had the honor of going to a marriage I was not specifically invited to, too, but I am not the bragging kind.

PS: It’s my experience that Marwadi people are as kind hearted as it gets. Also they are very straight forward and a bit sensitive. But I cannot let that stop me from spreading these critical matters. Here’s to hoping they are sportive enough, too.

Can Read

As promised, if anyone is keeping track, we will talk about the novels that you ‘can read’, or I’ll do myself good to read.

The problem with me is I am always on the move. Never on one thing for long enough to see it through. Now, I am following the markets, next week, I am on some TV series, and the week after, I am back on market, or doing something different altogether, like brushing my technical subjects. Last week, I was thinking of reading up an epic novel. If I spent as much time on reading some novel rather than on searching the best there is, I would have completed one. There are too many things to do. And hence, one thing is always at the opportunity cost of some other extracurricular activity. In fact I firmly believe that if I can stick to one thing for long enough, I’ll be good at it. The problem with me, as I said, is I am always on the move.

So coming back to novels, you – must - read ‘Fathers and Sons’, it is epic, believe me. I read it like a few months back and it moved me. No lessons, a story too good to pass up.

Also, I was searching the net for the list of best novels there are. As it turned up, I don’t even know names of any of the top ten. What, Godfather and Fountainhead are not even in the top hundred. And I thought I was a scholar having read them. Well, got to do more, got to be more. And so, I made a resolution to read the best novel ever as per the authority there is, the Times – Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy . The eBook version has, take a deep breath, one thousand seven hundred and fifty nine pages. Without bothering you with my personal reasons, let me just say ‘This novel will have to wait’. I humor-filtered the top hundred list and then sorted it by the no. of pages column in ascending order. The result is ‘Three men in a boat’ by Jerome Klapka. The eBook version has one hundred and sixty four pages in total. Just the size my lethargic life style demands. The novel is funny as hell. Only five-point someone brought made me laugh so much in the first 30 pages. Well, I can’t comment on the rest of the book having not read it but it has promise.

The plan is, somehow get a hard copy of Anna Karenina or War and Peace, read it up and pretend I am a scholar, having now contributed to the world of literature by providing it the audience it doesn’t need, but deserves.

This article has to finish with a funny quote, I resolve. Search the internet – ahh, powers off (with it, the modem) – Here’s a compromise, the first line of the best novel ever, Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy

“Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

That must get me going.

Wait, the powers up in the last minute, let’s see if I can use my talents to pull the rabbit out of the deep hole with ‘Google’ written above it –

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” - George Burns

Tips for CA preparing students, well..almost

Before I wrote the exams, I had decided to write an article about how to prepare for CA, of course if and when I pass CA. I did pass CA but then decided not to go on with the tips because it’s not so intelligent when you think about it. But then again I thought “What the heck, at least my blog will have a new post” and here we go

·        Number of Months to study:

3 months, if you study that is.

·        Books to refer:

Whatever they are that you can procure. Just don’t spend more time thinking about books than thinking about the subjects

·        Books to borrow:

None. Prepare your own notes, buy your own books. Phukat me kuch bhi nai hota.

·        Time table:

Study at whatever time you want to.

·        Schedule:

Make your schedule around your study time. Not your study around your schedule of the Matinee or Pooja.

·        Before the Exam:

This is an actual tip. Don’t listen to idiots who study a hundred things from a hundred materials and speculate on how tough the paper is going to be and what chapters are more important. Just revise what you know and trust the text book you studied from.

·        In the Exam:

Sit down and concentrate on how to write. Don’t think about the result when writing the paper and don’t think about the paper when reading the result.

·        Subject wise tips:

Do the sums in accounts and SFM. Study the theory well in Auditing and Law. Do the problems in Costing. Study smartly in ISCA. Study the whole thing in IDT and DT. Thing is, in a practical paper, pass in the practical part itself keeping theory for spare or safety and vise versa.

·        Waiting for the Results:

Just do something worth your while and forget about the results. I am sick of all the results tension dialogs from people.

·        Bottom Line:

If you want to do something (CA in this case), just do whatever is required to finish that task. Stop BS-ing around and work towards it.

India at the Top

Let’s just say India is the super power in place of US/UK. And our system is our advantage for a change. Two teens of US are talking (It could be UK teens too, there will just be more mate’s than dude’s in that case)

“Hey dude, have you heard, there is yet another scam in India after the Telecom thing, it’s about some CW Games, ever heard of it?”

“No. These Indians are awesome man; they totally make money out of nowhere. Wish I could go there and get into some kind of public unit”

“I mean come on; India is not at the top for no reason. If it were here, you’ll have to wage a war on some other country, kill a few million people and only then can you dream of making some wealth – That too if you are prepared to be a called a villain like Bush and there, all you have to do is to be born as a politicians kid. And you are the prince. No questions asked. Everything in India is awesome man. From the way they take shit to their music. Take have Teen maar and classical music – So extreme to each other and yet so fun and not making any sense whatsoever. We here have the Eminem Rap bitching about the Congress all the time. When are we going to learn from India that the best way to be is let the politics go their own way. Out there, the opposition is more worried about a ragged mosque-turned temple than who their fucking party leader is. Look at the Black money they are thinking of getting back from Swiss, they’ll get even richer then eh. Show me one American dollar outside the US huh? Even the sports they play rock man, even some loser like Irfan Pathan can earn millions and he doesn’t even know which IPL team picked him this time around! I am telling you India is the place to be. Anyways, That is so not the accent you want to have if you want to get abroad to Indian States. Start working on that accent. You’ll have to say ‘India’ with a stressed ‘D’ there”

“Yeah I know that. And you are forgetting about the languages they have, the cool words they use. Again what is ‘cool’ eh? Say ‘Bindass’ and that’s something. Heard of the word Kiraak? Its something new and it’s a rage out there. Bet it would be tough for us lads to get the same kick in those words as they do. Even they swear cool man, Fucker is nothing compared to them, they use the freedom of speech to the limits. And every region specializes in its own language and every language invariably has a minimum of zillion swear words inbuilt”

“Whats more, Bollywood as a rule rocks the world over anyways and with the new Shiela ki jawaani and Munni, its killing. I mean, you have the whole theater to yourself in a hall showing a movie of RGV. You can’t ask for more - Even if you are an Indian! Our fucked up workaholic directors will never understand that the job of a movie is to – keep it simple- provide a good afternoon’s nap at the minimum and any more privacy other than that is just patronage to the audience. Also, the scope for a script in India is so wide, all you have to do is take a case of failed justice like that of Jessica and you have a ‘critically applauded’ film. Wait a minute, you take a top hero, give him some stupid dance steps and a heroine and what do you get? Blockbuster Dabangg! Wonder where they get those awesome titles from. If that doesn’t blow you away, watch Robot, Only in India will something like that sell so much. Our Spiderman’s and Batman’s will have to go begging if they were in India. They are not efficient. Rajni will blow them away in a cough, literally!”

“Talking of ‘Heroes’, do you have any episodes of that shit in your sys? I am getting bored in the evenings”

“Dude, I only keep Bhabhi Bahu serials, get real man! Who watches the US series and reality shows these days when you have Indian versions for all of them. You will also find the funniest shows only in those channels these days. That guy named Navjot Siddu or something must be the dumbest guy on earth and people love him. Enough with that, here take some Roadies episodes and have a blast with the fake cries and drama.”

“You are Bindass man. And since you seem to know so much about the Indian system, tell me something. Why do they have an Economist as a PM when they have a guy like Lalu? I mean he took over the railways, for what – a year? And turned it to pure gold. Of course on paper that is, by false accounts. I mean, what else can you ask. If he were the PM, the rest of the government could go on a rampage of money laundering right? Why did they screw up on such a simple trick?”

“Indian politics isn’t as simple as using their ’bindass’ dude, Its complex and elaborate, you’ll have to go do some research to understand the reasoning of compromise and the behind the scene field work that goes into the running of such an efficiently corrupt system. There is a reason why many people in India don’t know what Wikileaks is yet. Damn if even our President understands those dynamics. Anyways I’ll leave. Tata mate”

On 2010

Whenever I really want to fill something new in this space and don’t have anything to say, I pick up this New Year article (or ‘Independence day’ wala etc depending on the opportunity)

Anyways the record is not broken yet. 2009 is still the most happening year of my life with the exception of the year I was born. Of course a few things happened in 2010, it wasn’t totally lame. My office training is done with for one. My college is over. I graduated successfully and as opposed to popular reactions relating to the event, it doesn’t affect me whatsoever. No offense but it never did. I did not look at college in that kind of way. Let’s say I was managing it. If anything, I am glad that I don’t have to worry about the attendance and exam fees. My friend list is short as ever but I was able to filter out a few and add a few others which doesn’t matter anyways, so I think it doesn’t deserve the mention here. All those birthday’s, treats and night outs were as usual and fun.

Had some really beautiful events which I will not share obviously .Except Sachin’s 200, I was practically jumping in front of the TV! (Was it in 2010 or 09?) And some stupid and/or ugly and/or regrettable moments which I am trying to forget if I didn’t yet.

People tend to think that the childhood is the best phase of life especially after all that they have gone through later. But in reality the more time we are alive, the better you we are getting as persons. Because everyday we learn something new or learn to do something better. So today you are more wise and informed than yesterday and tomorrow you can only be better. Irrespective of whether good happens or bad. So in 365 days (If 2010 wasn’t leap) we all grew and added a bit more value to the package of ours.

Anyways, dividing life into chapters is good. Makes it easier to recall (Not for me though). And 2010 as a chapter was like that ‘yet another chapter in the book with practically same answers but different questions’. Because it did not matter as much but it is a part of the package.