Bad

Every year, I start out thinking that this is going to be the break out year. I am going to break out of the shackles of mediocrity this year. To the next level. Not just me, my family, my circle of friends. My life. Where I’d want to be. This year, at the start, promised to be just that - more than any other year. Look, I took a good step career wise. Got another ‘semi’ qualification and was ready to face the music. Job opportunities of my interest would rise now. My bro, who was looking for a career change too, was prepared and ready to make it big. And then it happened. One after another. Slowly but surely - sometimes not so slowly - things fucked up.

First all the opportunities I thought I had slowly faded. One after another. Like a slow torture. Then, my bro’s turn came. GATE. The dream for which he worked the last two years. Not just his dream, but of all of us who were with him in it. The dream which was just a few days away from materializing. The few days passed. The D day came and my bro flunked big time. He now looks forward to a life time of regrets for not doing well in the three hours that mattered most. On the bright side, he dared and took his shot. And we all compromised on some level or another to give him that shot. Fair enough. If he has to complain, it will only be to himself.

As for me, another tragedy occurred, on an intimate level. FC Barcelona flunked. In all three big tournaments. Out of contention. Losing three big matches in one week. Again, the one week that mattered most. Like the one interview that mattered most to me - which I flunked.

And no progress whatsoever. None of my few friends really improved, to say the least.

Four months in, this is the worst year of my life. Well, maybe one of the worst. Bad things did happen before. But not on such a grand fucking level. Everything that can go wrong - goes wrong. Yes, went wrong. Probably not everything, but most of it. Believe me; it could have been even bad, even as that doesn’t seem possible. But some irreversible damage did happen. Not just taking all the opportunities with it, but the spirits too.

Did I mention the cherry on the top of all this shit? My bro is getting married. He really can take some beating.

One Day, Worth A Life

What if you have just one day to live?

One day and that’s it. Is it enough?? Enough or not? And for what?!

What do you do with the last Twenty four hours of the end..?

What do you do if you know that all that counts is this? This is it..

With whom will you spend it with..?

Family, Friends.. With whom..? Can you choose..?

And what if no one is left for you?

What if all that is left of you is you? Just you..

What if thoughts are all you have to spend for the longest Twenty four hours of your life?

Or shortest..? What do you think?

What if all the thoughts that come across are not good enough to be thought about?

Have you done deeds worthy of a life? Yet??

What if all the relations you had are not worth mentioning in the shortlist?

What if there is no short list? What if it is too short?

Can you bear the pain that all you have done is survive?

You just managed to survive.. Thats it? You did not live, did you?!

Is your life worth a drop of tears? At least your tears?

Do you have the time to weep now? Or is it too short?

What if you haven’t done enough to make yourself laugh now?

Or at least to smile? Is your life worth a smile? Of yours?

Did you work to achieve what others did not? Did you discharge your duty?

Is that how you count your life? What if ‘others’ are irrelevant now?

Survived by working. Working your life out..

And lived by? What? Did you have time to live then? When you had more time?

Maybe your friends were right that you did not keep touch..

Maybe your family was right that you were late from work and did not eat on time..

Maybe they meant a lot more than keeping touch and eating..

Maybe they meant living..? Did they?

What if the last thoughts you have are those of dismay and disgust?

Do you want to ask for one more chance?

One more chance to live it differently.. Without mistakes..?

Or maybe with mistakes.. Ones that are meant to be made? Maybe you know them now..

What if all you wanted until now is not what counts? Lost the count?

Were you too late to realize what you want? Late by a lifetime?

Were you too perfect for life?? Too good to risk??

Maybe too good to dare and ask.. huh?? Asking a bit too late now..

Maybe you should have done this a bit earlier?

This questioning and depreciating.. This killing..

Did you realize yet that you still have a bit of life to make up the count.. One day..

One day, worth a life.. Or is it?