The Art of Lying

Some people read this and joke that I am an expert. False. No, I am not faking. Swear.

There are few dimensions to lying. And a few precautions.

The precautions is where lying for me is an art. If you don’t know how to use a lie, it can be disaster and when used well, a truth is not even a comparison in terms of return! Also, you have to cover all angles like when you tell someone a lie which relates to another person, you better call up that person and tell him to act up when needed. Of course, you make up another lie to convince that person. Another precaution is taking the big picture into the account. You don’t want to make the mistake of losing the jackpot trying to save the ticket price.

A lie may be made up instantly. Or maybe thought out thoroughly. It may be an innocent one, meant to soothe others or just save your ass. Or it may be at the higher level like making a gain or saving your ass big time!

If you take my experiences, it is more often that the thoroughly thought out lies are bound to be decoded sooner than later. I can even propose a theory that the more thoroughly thought lies are of the higher levels with more at stake and hence more chances of a thorough review of the facts by whomsoever it concerns to. Also, the extra care while playing a lie brings with it extra doubts. A instantly made up lie when small in significance is anyways out of danger. But what I want to say is that the bigger lies too are quite safe from being figured out. This is because the lie is made up instantly, keeping in mind the past facts and their reliability of not being discovered. And the instantaneous approach, I believe, brings about a natural instinct to the flow of things which reduces the suspicion. There’s this joke about lying which I don’t remember and hence can’t tell you. Not that it has anything to do with the above theory. Well, the theory in itself doesn’t really matter because you know that you are reading bullshit anyways.

But there is more to lying than the need of it. It can be fun. It can be what they call bluffing. It can be told just for the heck of it. Or to bug someone. It’s like a small mental venture. No wonder I like it..

Celebrating Independence

Independence Day usually meant two things to me annually.

One, a guaranteed holiday.

Two, something to write about in the blog.

But this year, I am kind of facing a dilemma. That is because each year I used to have more working days than holidays, but this time, it had been a total turn around. Now, I have so many days off that I have to put up a schedule if I want to do some work on some day. Each year, I used to make the Independence Day special by

1. Sleeping till lunch.

2. Watching movies which inspire my patriotism.

3. Do nothing about it.

4. Sleep, wondering when the next holiday was up.

But now, as things changed I face the challenge to do something to make this August 15^th rememberable.

I can go to the flag hoisting program in my college but I decided not to because they sent a notice almost forcing us to attend it, which amounted to disregarding my fundamental right of freedom of whatever. Hence, I decided to avoid it by all means so that I do my bit to keep the constitution in force (who cares if it is outdated). Also, the chief guest is so old that the chances of him insulting the flag by dying in front of it, of a weird cough, are really significant.

So now I have to do something out of the routine on this Saturday just for the heck of it. And here is my revised time-table for that day. Beware; this can be too surprising for you to digest.

1. Wake up at 6.

2. Play cricket in the dust till lunch.

3. Do not watch movies which inspire my patriotism.

4. Do nothing about not being patriot-zed.

5. Sleep, wondering when the hell is the next working day.

Spread The Joy

Like it’s a Swine Flu virus.

Like it’s a joke about your lecturer’s accent.

Like you just don’t need it and people are thrash bins.

Like it’s cheaper than your father’s chappals.

Like it’s your birthday and you are filthy rich.

Like the world is waiting for your shit.

Like it’s tax free.

Like it’s rotten bread.

Like the news of the world ending in 2012.

Like there are no laws governing it.

Like you are getting paid for it.

Like people don’t hate you so bad after all..

Like you are a virus infected C D.

Like no rumors are left.

Like it’s the only joke that works for you.

Like you actually care.

Random Slapdash

A blank page looks nice. Like this blank page looked excellent before I started out this shit. But that is what this plain, blank page is about. That is the beauty. Beauty can be quite subjective. It can mean looks, brains, thoughts, intentions. Quite subjective indeed. Subjective as opposed to objective. Objectivity means that which doesn’t involve bias. Objective questions have only one answer, usually. May have many options but only one answer. Most of the entrance exams are objective these days. Which makes the execution of the exams very convenient.

Talking of exams, I wrote quite a few (And slept in the rest). And with a good passing rate too. From my experience I can say that preparation is the only alternative to cheating. Though cheating if applied could make your task much easier. But it comes with a higher risk which is implied in anything which promises easy returns. Risk in life is something which is to be endured. It is something which can be a disaster as well as an essence. Like risk, disaster is also inevitable. Not exactly inevitable because there might be someone who did not see life’s extremes yet. There is no guarantee that they might get a chance to see it in their lifetime. For people like that, life is more of a highway drive. But that highway is without any traffic or turnings. It’s like a video game with no game over. Quite boring.

Yes, I get bored rarely. Because I have things to do which are quite unnecessary. Doing things which are necessary is boring because you do it anyway. Not doing anything is boring too. So the only alternative left is doing things which are unnecessary (Also, not doing things which are necessary which is quite popular anyways). Like writing what I wrote. On this plain, beautiful page. Unnecessary things could vary from anything to even something! For instance, this blog is nothing (anything). But learning a guitar could be quite something. Which I plan to do. As I was planning to do from the last, what, two years.

Long time isn’t it, two years.. People change like hell in two years. People who were not in contact with me for the last two years say that I changed a lot. They say that after talking for five minutes or so. But if they spend a good week with me, they will change their minds. Because they will get an idea of the path that I went through to change the way I did. I bet this is the case with anyone. The funny thing is, I realized this thing, this logic about change, only when I was making this plain, blank page ‘beautiful’ – which, in turn, can mean many things.

One Day, Worth A Life

What if you have just one day to live?

One day and that’s it. Is it enough?? Enough or not? And for what?!

What do you do with the last Twenty four hours of the end..?

What do you do if you know that all that counts is this? This is it..

With whom will you spend it with..?

Family, Friends.. With whom..? Can you choose..?

And what if no one is left for you?

What if all that is left of you is you? Just you..

What if thoughts are all you have to spend for the longest Twenty four hours of your life?

Or shortest..? What do you think?

What if all the thoughts that come across are not good enough to be thought about?

Have you done deeds worthy of a life? Yet??

What if all the relations you had are not worth mentioning in the shortlist?

What if there is no short list? What if it is too short?

Can you bear the pain that all you have done is survive?

You just managed to survive.. Thats it? You did not live, did you?!

Is your life worth a drop of tears? At least your tears?

Do you have the time to weep now? Or is it too short?

What if you haven’t done enough to make yourself laugh now?

Or at least to smile? Is your life worth a smile? Of yours?

Did you work to achieve what others did not? Did you discharge your duty?

Is that how you count your life? What if ‘others’ are irrelevant now?

Survived by working. Working your life out..

And lived by? What? Did you have time to live then? When you had more time?

Maybe your friends were right that you did not keep touch..

Maybe your family was right that you were late from work and did not eat on time..

Maybe they meant a lot more than keeping touch and eating..

Maybe they meant living..? Did they?

What if the last thoughts you have are those of dismay and disgust?

Do you want to ask for one more chance?

One more chance to live it differently.. Without mistakes..?

Or maybe with mistakes.. Ones that are meant to be made? Maybe you know them now..

What if all you wanted until now is not what counts? Lost the count?

Were you too late to realize what you want? Late by a lifetime?

Were you too perfect for life?? Too good to risk??

Maybe too good to dare and ask.. huh?? Asking a bit too late now..

Maybe you should have done this a bit earlier?

This questioning and depreciating.. This killing..

Did you realize yet that you still have a bit of life to make up the count.. One day..

One day, worth a life.. Or is it?

Waiting for the bell..

I never listened in class. Neither in the college nor in the professional coaching centers. Neither in school nor in bugging-up intermediate college. I was and am a back bencher. I always went to college for friends if not for attendance. My point is if there is something you can’t learn yourself, the whole world can’t help you to learn it. I carry a bag because I don’t have any place to keep my novel or the earphones. Also, a bag makes a good pillow.

I am, though, not justified in saying that all the classes and courses people attend for ORAL coaching is just thrash. It is important. But we must understand that the only purpose of attending those classes should be to learn how to think about an issue rather than how to solve that issue. Because solving always follows thinking. If you know how to think then problem is just a variable. You can solve it irrespective of its complexity or uniqueness.

If you don’t attend a class to learn this, but to learn the ‘subject’, then the person standing there is no better than a book. In fact, a book is better off because you can read a book as long – and as many times – as you want, it’s cheaper, and your ears are safe.

Planned Accident

May 17^th, 2009. There was an accident on the highway. Two of my school friends were dead on the spot – Praneeth and Shiva. They were on my bike.

We started off at 10 in the morning from Secunderabad. It was a school get-together. I was not planning to go but once I met the friends, I had to go. As if that’s not enough, I went to Praneeth’s house and picked him up. He was never in the plan but was ready in 5 minutes. Shiva was never in the list too. Somehow even he turned up. And there were some 15 other people. We went to a resort near Ghatkesar. We played in the pool. We had some fun. We ate our lunch. And started back at 3 PM or so..

Praneeth had my keys. So he took out my bike. I did not think of asking him the bike back. I don’t know why but I should have. I was going to sit on the rear seat. But it was not to be so. Some other friend asked me to ride his bike because he wanted to ride some other new bike of another friend. So I went on to that guys bike. As I was on another bike, Shiva went and sat behind Praneeth – That was my place. All this happened in a minute or split of it.

So I was the one who was the reason for Praneeth to come and I virtually grabbed Shivas life. Technically speaking, my life is simply the opportunity cost of his. I was lucky in some ways. Not so lucky in other terms. I don’t believe in fate, consequently, I don’t have any words to describe it.

We started off from there and the accident took place in the next 10 minutes. It’s hard to describe how we felt when we saw that our friends who were playing with us half an hour back were not alive now!

But i can swear any day on this. They were two really good fellows. Were not perfect. No one is. But were a lot better than some people who are alive. Would have been nice to have them around.

Things You Better Not Try

                                       Pic Cour.: Sru.

 

This list could very well be infinite. Ill keep adding up the new funny things regularly. If you have anything as funny, you can tell me in the comments and ill include yours at the top of the list.

 
Ø Wake up your neighbor at 2 am and ask him about the schedule and venue of the next days cricket match between Bangladesh and Sri Lanka.
 
Ø Go straight to the happiest person in the group. Ask him how he was and as soon as he replies, just go on saying “So you took your bath today, huh??”
 
Ø Return the paper blank in 30 minutes and when the examiner says “Why don’t you write something?” look at him as if he were a door-to-door sales man and reply “Next time.!” He would also refuse to give your question paper back unless you sit for one hour but be strong to say “No, thanks”
 
Ø Whenever you find a question in the exam asking “Can you tell that” about some useless phenomenon or “Can you give the list” of something…. Don’t rethink. Just answer straight - “No.”
 
Ø Whenever your bro or sis is acting lazy to take a bath, start playing with his small conscience talking about how dirty it feels and how you are allergic to sweat and how ugly you feel about him. You can even act as if he/she is untouchable. Ten minutes of that shit and you are in for a real good fight (or thrashing).
 
Ø  Message your friends who are waiting for you for the past half an hour “Wait for 2 minutes and ill be there in one hour”
 
Ø You go for a dinner at relative’s house and they ask you what you want to eat. Ask back “What did you cook TODAY?”
 
Ø Someone is talking something rubbish and going quiet silly at that. Just shout "AAAAAAAhhhhhhh" but before he hits you, convert it into a tune "AAAAAAAha ha haha Oho ho hoho"
 
Ø "What’s the time?"

 "What do you expect?"
 
Ø Some old friend calls up and asks "Guess who this is?!"
Reply "Don't you know yet?"
 
Ø Go to your mom in the afternoon when you are hungry. Ask her "Did you cook anything today?" Then correct yourself saying "What did you cook today?"

A lesson on screwing up your life

He wasn’t the best student in our class. But wasn’t bad enough to end up like he did! Our only hope now is that its not the end..

After passing 10^th grade in a not so grand B grade along with us, he chose POLY TECHNIQUE over the regular intermediate - with electronics as majors. No one said it was bad. It wasn’t. Except that it was a 3 years course. But had a benefit that the B.Tech that followed was reduced to 3 years for them. But that is still a long way! The first year in the 3 year poly technique shit, he cleared most of the subjects. Not beginners luck but enthusiasm and a small dread that was assumed from the school. Then the problems started with the following semesters. He started failing more subjects as the course grew. The problem wasn’t the complexity of the course. It was the amount of distractions he gathered around himself.

But even then he wasn’t fully into the pickle yet. He struggled with some new subjects, cleared some old ones and so it was alright till the third year. Then came a new circle of friends into his world implying that he completely lost track of whats happening for three months or so. Even that was not the end. He eventually moved away from them and had a whole 2 months or so before the final exams of the third year. And he had some seven subjects in the spare as back logs. No one knows how he spent those two months and no one cared then actually. So he wrote the finals. To be correct, he just attended them and gave a blank paper most of the times. Other times he had more important works to do than write the most important exams in his life.

He flunked the exams successfully after his tremendous efforts. The girls in the middle would be a special mention here but he’ll never agree with me there. Maybe he is right. I don’t know. But that failure was just the beginning of a series of extravaganzas.

So he failed and he convinced his family that he was gonna complete it in the next year without any doubt. He wrote the exams in September again. Sorry, he just bunked all of them because there was still another attempt left for him. He told his parents that September was the last attempt but the results would come in May or something. So he still had the March attempt.

For March, he studied a bit more sincerely, at least because we were pressurizing him to do so. So he wrote the exams and wrote fine till the day before the last exam when he bombed me with another fact. That he didn’t write any of the exams except the first one. And first one, he gave gathered enough strength to give a blank paper. I tried not to get animated. I only hoped that he was trying to make an ‘april fool’ out of me. He wasn’t.

To sum it up, In addition to the one year that he wasted after the third year, he accomplished the task of wasting yet another year. The problem is that he is still at the beginning of that year! Its like standing at the foot of a huge mountain and wondering if he would ever reach the top. In fact, whether he wasted one year or a lifetime depends how his dad reacts when he gets to know this grand news! 

And now am off to play cricket. Of course with the lead character of this story!     

And yeah..no comments  :-)

 

Pessimism doesn't suck

The world belongs to optimists..

People say hope is everything. Obama uses one word ‘hope’ and gets elected to the most powerful office in the world. Thinking positive always helps and gets us enthusiastic and energetic regarding the task at hand. A pessimist life is weak and dreadful they say..

But what about all those things that you expected to happen some other way but ended messed up? If you had expected them get messed up already, don’t you think you would have been in a more feasible position to work them out more efficiently? Then you would have had the best result without any risk. Even if you could not solve it and even if the work is completely screwed, you would be more happy than before because you already expected it to get screwed and did your silly best to make it any kind of better..so no disappointments.

In addition, thinking of the worst makes people active. Makes them work hard to avoid it at any cost. Hence better efforts..And more importantly the best thing about pessimism is that you are proved right or else you were wrong for your own good!

TERRORISM – the funny side

Don’t take this in the wrong sense. I tell you, don’t take this in any sense at all!

Advantages of terrorism!!

Though the advantages do not even compete with the ravage and damage caused by terrorism, they still exist. Why else do you think the so-called superpowers still bear with the Pakistans and Al-Qaedas..

1. Economy – many people do not know that terrorism runs a parallel economy of illegal activities, smuggling and even some vital industries. If the western world were to eradicate Al-Qaeda and allied forces, which they are very capable of, the world economy would collapse in no time. Osama bin laden and co. own the major share in gum Arabic company, which exports a special gum to most of the world including America. This gum is vital in production of newspaper, cool drinks etc. Therefore, whenever you buy a newspaper or drink, you are supporting Osama!

2. Boon to the opposition – What better reason to accuse the ruling government, for the opposition, than the security to the lives of the people. I think politicians are the ones who look forward to such attacks more than the terrorists themselves do.

3. Press survives – you know how many people live in news media industry? As reporters? As anchors? As writers? In thousands..In addition, without terrorism, the whole sector would collapse virtually. It’s a fact that today terrorism is the main source out of which interesting shows or articles can be made out.. People want to watch or read interesting things. And terrorism makes news quite interesting!

4. Insurance – Earlier, the government used to introduce special tax benefits if people invested money in life insurance policies, to encourage people to take insurance cover. Now, it can comfortably withdraw all those exemptions. Because, when you are not sure whether you’ll return back home or not from that flop movie you dared to go, you sure would not hesitate taking a LIC policy ha..

5. Publicity – Anyone cared to observe the sales trend of GOKUL chat after the bombings? Its earning in lakhs day to day and now its also planning a new branch! I mean how’s that for publicity..You’ll find more people standing near gokul chat on a normal weekday evening than you’ll find in a MacDonald’s on any weekday! So, terrorism indirectly is boosting some popularity for places like that..

6. Recession – It gives us a reason to take our heads away from the economic failures and lay-offs.

7. Oneness – Nothing binds two sections of people more than a common enemy! People of Mumbai, for instance, have put their bullshit regional differences aside for as change to bring out a solution for this problem (Though they are not going to make much of a difference).

8. Security Personnel – Another economic sector booming because of terrorism. Also, causing handful employment activities to the people with fewer brains and more bodies! Again how else do you think the commandos and the special task forces get prove their efficiency if not for those incidents.

9. Self Esteem – How many of you are really born for a cause? Look their prospective - These people - the terrorists – are made to believe that they are born for one! Either a terrorist is training, hiding or in a mission, or he is already dead! Even the suicide bombers – Jihads - think that they are going to attain immortality. Damn about immortality and eternity but imagine the pride in the minds of those Mumbai terrorists minutes before they jumped into that suicidal action!

Resolution - or Things like that..

Well.. “What’s your resolution?” routine question around these times, eh.. I don’t know many people who’ll ask me that.. well I don’t have that kind of people around me.. and that’s one of the main reasons I didn’t make any resolutions till date.. I don’t intend to make any now anyways..

but it’s a interesting topic right!! Why? Because people always expect to hear weird things about resolutions.. at least interesting things.. or maybe it interests to hear out other people about how they wish they were..

so lets talk about the various resolutions one can make..maybe the various resolutions YOU can make.. :P

the best one would be to be more sensitive.. and if u ask my father, he’ll want me to be more sensible!!

Nevertheless, aint you happy the way you think you are... you don’t need to be sensitive as long as people know you are not an asshole. Anyways practical is what works today..what else..being sensible is out of question anyways .. :P

getting more marks..don’t you think getting marks is what you’ve done all through your life..

Getting up early is so out of fashion.. Don’t try to make new friends because best friends are not made, they just happen and too many friends is not good for health either.. :->

If you were going to college only for attendance and it is working fine, you need not change. It is not worth it.

Don’t get into weird things or Guinness book achievements, you’ll look stupid doing such things.

Don’t try to get in touch with departed friends because the main reason to part is that you were already bored of each other..At least they were!

Don’t make a resolution to visit places just for the fun of it.. Its not a valid reason..

To make a resolution not to make a resolution ever looks so silly, right!!

Are you thinking of going to yoga classes or some other exercise? Believe me its not going to work out.. certainly not for you..

Any more alternatives in mind, huh? Come on, there’s no straight rule that you’ll have to make decisions only at the start of a fresh year.. So take your own time, if you intend to make any decision that is.. :-))

Reality Check

Everyone has a dream in school, don’t they?? To be a pilot is quite famous :P and some others dream to make India corruption less!!

Everyone wants to be someone who inspires some other person. All of us wanted to become that high profile person in Hollywood movies having the power to make important decisions regarding matters having a high stake. We look in the mirrors and look so deep that it would break thinking “I wanna be a play maker someday. Someone at the top of the list”.

I too went through such phases. That was somewhere down in the school. Then in my 11^th and 12^th I learned that it was not easy to become a celebrity overnight. I decided that I still had some time to enjoy before I start out with serious hard work..

Now, being a graduation student I think I have matured somewhat. Being a successful person internationally or even nationally for that matter is more like impossible unless you start out very hard right from your school days whatever maybe the field you prefer unless you are extra talented. To be a playmaker is not a joke now.. being a leader is no more a fantasy to me(not that I am one now..).

But look at it this way – are you sure you wanna be a leader? Are you ready to sacrifice the little joys of your childhood to spend late hours in the coaching centers which give lessons to get a seat in prestigious institutions which in turn give coaching for some IITs? Are you ready to sacrifice the days when you were chit chatting with your best friends on your building terrace? Can you imagine the shape of your life without those memories? Can you sacrifice those times when you fought over the small bills of a bakery? Or the days when you spent the whole day in a playground playing less and fighting more? Or the joyous games with cousins during small get-togethers? Do you really wanna be a hero when you know that you are gonna be at the top but you are gonna be alone? With no one to really be happy that you are actually a hero? Can you miss out on those little birthday parties, birthday bums and heavy burgers? Is life worth it without those moments of little life when you shared your heart with your best buddies? Well, are you ready to ignore all the special friends you made over the years? The crush in your college for whom you actually go to college? Can you give up the long sessions of fights or arguments you had with your brother for a better salary than him?? (:|

Well, I am sorry - I can’t!!

So do the people who are out to be heroes really know what they are upto? Do they understand what they are missing? Do they ever understand that the environment they are in is not an obstacle to the dreams of their life but it actually is the essence of their unimportant life? Or do they realize that a few more bucks or a bit of applauds is not worth what they are missing – the actual life?

Well that’s how I look at life now. I am gonna be what I am meant to be. I am not gonna compromise my career because of small restrictions. I am still going to make it quite big. But equally so I am not ready to miss out the little joys which only my family and friends can give me - those joys which no success or salary package can afford. After all what is life when you don’t have a few people around you to joke at the fact that you actually succeeded or curse you at the fact that you were too lazy to succeed!!

Four A.m - Story of a beggar

Heyaa...back :-D. Well, four a.m is exactly the time i have finished this story and that has nothing to do with the actual story!!

I Am writing the story of a beggar here (No, I haven’t turned a beggar yet :-@) whom I and my friends happened to meet accidentally

This was when I was forcefully dragged to yadagiri gutta (Don’t act posh. you heard that place before, didn’t you? It’s a holy place btw)by friends. Why? They have this promise made to god which they have to fulfill (I don’t know the exact term :-P)

So we went there and finished whatever we wanted to do (I am not going into details for hell now) and on our way back through the stairs, we were passing by this beggar when one of us gave him a coin and we were going on when he said “Thank you, Sir”

We were not exactly surprised as he had every right to know basic English! We joked on our friend saying that a beggar could start speaking English after seeing him.

The beggars name was Ramalingam (I am not comfortable calling him a beggar too much), he was crippled, bent and his face was exactly how a beggars face would look like - worn out, uninterested and tired of life.

He somehow heard our talk and replied “Hello, I am a degree holder”

We were like shocked by that response but didn’t stop. After getting down a few steps, I gave the idea of going back and getting some info about how he got into such a position (just with a hope that we would learn to avoid at least one way of becoming a beggar!!) and one of us initiated and we went back to where he sat. But we didn’t go straight to him…We didn’t have the guts actually to go and talk to the man whom we accidentally insulted, we just sat on a rock a few steps from him and fought on who was to approach first. So, the guy who first gave him a coin went forward and dropped another one (keep count of the coins :-P) and started the conversation. I didn’t hear the whole of it as I joined in the middle. But I learned all the details later from them and this is the STORY OF RAMALINGAM THE BEGGAR (how’s that for a movie title eh? :->)

“I am from karimnagar district, usnabad” I means Ramalingam ra rascal! “I am a degree holder from public degree college in Usnabad. I am in this position by fate.” Then he told his whole story. “After my degree I got a job as an attender in a government office. Then, I changed a few jobs and in the end turned out to be a sweeper in a government hospital. I had some property, a wife and two children, a boy and a girl. Eventually, I fell ill and the doctors certified that one of my kidneys failed. So I took voluntary retirement and got a lump sum amount of Rs.6 Lakhs! “

I wonder if he was crippled from childhood.

“My property was on the name of my wife. She stole the money and ran away with another man and then sold my property off and now I don’t even know where she is! With nothing else to do, I turned out here to be begging. My children are studying under scholarship from government in a hostel. Both are district rank holders. I give them a helping hand with whatever I save here. I stay in a rented room down the hill here”

Well he didn’t last the whole story, he burst out crying half way down the story and we were moved. In fact, the first guy had tears in his eyes... our guy gave the beggar another coin and we found out the details of his college etc. We turned back not knowing how to console him (if there was any way). We dropped another coin and walked back.

But hopeless that we are, we were laughing in a few steps from there and I committed to myself that I was going to write the whole story of this Mr.Ramalingam on my blog!

Moral of the story: If you are reading this before the actual story, come from the first line now and you may get the lesson! But if you already read the whole story, then what is the point in telling you the moral? You must have already got it. Isn’t it?!! :-P