She called today and that made me happy.
She doesn't call often these days. Kind of a thing you try not to hope for and fail. Miserably.
I don't call her much these days. She seems upset when I do.
Which is ok. Its not hard to imagine the pain she goes through hearing my voice. But I don't really know why it is so.
Maybe it is the memories. Or maybe just that I find ways to fuck up simple conversations. I don't know.
Whatever the reason, it isn't easy for her to hear my voice these days.
Which makes her call all the more important. It tells me that she is ok. Maybe.
But surely, she has gathered enough strength to bear with me for a minute, or sometimes ten.
This means she has that strength, which I think she has only when the spirits are high. Or as high as possible, given everything.
But it tells me that she is ok. Probably. That makes me happy.
Not to mention what it means for me to hear her voice. That is not important.
It doesn't matter why she bothers calling me though, as long as she does. Maybe she just wants to see if I am doing alright. Definitely nothing more.
Maybe there is more. Hope is such a bitch.