Some Evenings

Some evenings are made to smoke a cigarette and think in
Some evenings, to work away
Some evenings are to watch a good film
Some evenings, like this one, are made to drown in

So I drown in this one, cos' it seems like the perfect one
I will drown in this one and I won’t care where I will resurface
I will resurface somewhere my future meets my fate
I will resurface where fate seems to interest me again

But I promise, I won’t judge fate when it shows up
I only ask that it show up with a twinkle in an eye
Something worth a background score
I won’t ask for too much, just not another bore

Some evenings, I feel like I’ve grown too old
I wrap up between the sheets, to rest my bones
I sometimes lie awake, thinking of old times
I sometimes sleep like a baby, assured of times to come

Some evenings, I am just happy with what I have
I smile and dance at the fortune that I am
I don’t bother sleeping, I don't even yawn
I stay up late, dancing to the dawn

And what about the times whiled away on Goan beaches
Crying to sunsets and trying to save small fish
These fish, they escaped too late
So they struggle on the sands, waiting for redemption or death

It feels like there is a part of me in them
Afraid that this is already it
Yet there is hope and I seek it
Dreams so big, I can't even speak it

Anyways, I drift around these evenings
Living in the moment is a cheap thrill it seems
There are achievements still to come by
More important things, did pass by

The Same?

Someone said after looking at an old FB post, "The fucker looks the same as five years back"

Of course, that's the advantage of setting up a low bar. No hair to shed and not much weight to lose.
I still prefer black tees nor is the expression on my face in need of changing. The same equanimous smile year after year. Despite all that happened over the years and decades. Equanimous? Indifferent?  Whatever.

The point remains - in many ways, it's more of the same the more it changes. Life is just not the same from years back. Priorities changed. People changed. Experiences changed and places changed. Maybe not the places - I still haven't relocated to the South Goan beaches, there is time for that yet. Damn but, what has really changed? Fundamentally?

There were people who'd light up my face with a silly expression a decade back. I used to think losing them would be a tragedy. Turns out, not really. Call me an asshole but losing people doesn't hurt, not as much as people make out. The trick is to listen to a lot of Alan Watts.

That FB pic has such a crazy-fuck back story, that even I am surprised at how little an impact the whole episode had on me. It is but a small glitch in the matrix of a very secured life so far, despite all the drama that I may portray.

And new people have taken up old places to fill in the voids with better than expected outcomes. not to brag but I am too chilled out to take the changes too seriously, not when there isn't much lost on the balance. You may call me selfish but I will call out your hypocrisy and we will end up with another argument with unsatisfactory conclusions. Not worth it. So we will just say I am awesome for moving on swiftly.

Flowing like water, eh.