Friday, June 5, 2026

The Gardens of Perumal Malai

(Spring of 2026, Kodai, Raj)


Life happens on the slopes of the mountains. Not the peaks.

Peaks are for the eagles & for the views.

Not for life.

Not for zen.

 

It is merely incidental that peaks exist invariably where the slopes exist. There is no real need for those peaks. Maybe except for these slopes to angle towards.

On the slopes of Perumal Malai, which is itself a slope towards the larger peaks of Kodaikanal in a way, one can see life. Monkeys & peacocks can co-exist. Of course, arguments happen & get resolved in their due course. Pine trees grow high into the sky. They make up for the little shelter they provide by making for a beautiful landscape. Birds chirp the whole day and insects dominate the nights. Farms grow around the forests and a naïve eye sees all of it as a just a lot of greenery, lacking for words to do any justice to what it perceives.

You can have small villages on those slopes as well and have people in those villages. Just like any other kind of people, the mountain people have their lives and livelihoods, and kids. And the kids can have their own dreams, like pursuing hot a career and living a rich life in a rich city, a glamourous life. No harm done, but the monkey and the peacocks know nothing of these dreams. They have other things to care about.

These slopes are a good place for a monastery, there are enough hillocks, nooks and corners in the valley, and villages nearby for necessities. Maybe even a good place for a garden around the monastery, call it a zen garden. Since this is a slope and not a peak, one can have zen here.

Now, once one calls it a zen garden, then it must be cared for. And caring for a zen garden requires people to do the caring, given the monkeys are too distracted to do any real work, and the birds, too beautiful. Of course one cannot have any kind of people, one needs the kind of people who care about gardens. Not gardeners because rare is a gardener who cares about the garden for itself, rather than the consequences of tending to the garden.

What’s required is the kind of people who’d care for the garden for the garden’s sake. For caring’s sake.

These are the kind of people that must be attracted to the gardens, hence the need for a monastery. There is more to a monastery though. Caring for a garden is a subtle thing. The people doing this must know about “Quality” that goes into any kind of real caring. Caring of this sort cannot just be instructed to people, cannot be a training regime. It must come to people, as much as people reaching for it. One must be raised into it. Like how there is a certain way to raise children for the child’s happiness’ sake alone, and they somehow tend do good for the world they were raised to live it. However, it is not a stretch to imagine that, if you raise children for the good of the world, you end up in a dystopia a few generations down the line. In other words, you create certain conditions for the flower to blossom, you don’t blossom the flower in any direct way. That is the way of Tao.

So for this garden to exist as a zen garden, it needs people who grow up to care. And caring for the Gardens on the slopes of Perumal Malai must be a natural consequence. At least, that is all that these people need to know. They don’t need to realize that this is the whole purpose for them to exist. Enlightenment is too much to ask for.

At any rate, these people need to be zen people to fit the bill. Hence they need a zendo to do the zen in, and a master to guide them on how to. Well, a master to tell them that there is nothing to guide towards.

They need to become part of the same nature that the garden lives in and contributes to. The walking sessions in the early morning chill before the sunrise are important because one needs to see how the garden is filled with the fog at that time. How the birds chirp and Koyilas sing so incessantly that, one realizes, they are all really desperate for romance out there. And these people definitely need to drench in the afternoon drizzles and taste the juicy Sapota served for lunch. They need to venture out in the dark into that garden, realize it is a bit too spooky for them, at least the first dozen times before they see how darkness can be a good place to be in, when you cry your heart out.

A library is a must, for how does realize when they see Quality if they don’t know stories of people who have come to realize it in various ways. And those books are best read in a garden tended to by the hands holding the book, meandering about, around the muddy paths and grasslands, looking at the cloud filled valley and wondering what they just read, about how this whole zen thing is so close to absolute nihilism and how they’d jump off this cliff someday unless they are very careful.

In short, these people need to live like the garden, become part of its nature.

And they definitely need to meditate for hours together to empty out all the dirt they accumulated during the hasty months and years dwelling in crowded cities. The bells come and go without anything to show for it, and as the silent retreat loses the energy of the starting days but it is still too early for conclusions, people don’t know where they stand anymore. Whether they should pack up and run away, or become a monk for good.

But all that mental energy, it needs to drain away, leaving a blank slate so that they have space for the Quality required in the minds, for the garden to exist. So they need that middle part where nothing goes nowhere, a slope to navigate. And it is tricky business, this whole letting it happen thing, and again, the master is useless here – but that is his purpose. To show how futile any kind of striving can be, especially the kind where you expect answers from an enlightened being. They do have a track record of talking people away from cliffs though.

The whole point then, is for these so called zen meditators to become worthy of caring for a zen garden, which also hopefully makes them worthy enough to hang around in it, to be worthy of marvelling that such a thing of beauty can exist.

Well, the monkeys and peacocks have little use for people or their zen, they just like to hang around the fences and tree tops, snacking on the compost bin and berries. The squirrels surely don’t.

For it is all about the ponds and the fishes in them – swirling around in drastic shades of orange, blues and dark black. The fishes are alright, they get to look at the fog all the morning if they like, and enjoy the crystal clear water, chilly at nights and lukewarm on sunny mornings. Some lucky days, a fat beetle or a worm may slip into the depths and there would be a feast to last for days. They are alright, though some dry breadcrumbs from these human servers tastes good too.

It is about the frogs feasting on insects. and the sounds of an old Beatles song vibrating from a guitar practice in a corner. Lovers looking to steal a kiss away from prying eyes of senior meditators who warned the couple well before the start of the retreat, and old men in pyjamas crossing perimeters, hoping no one catches the scent of the Beedi. Lots of corners and secrets in the garden for stories to happen and to be forgotten before the day runs its course.

The stone gardens are alright too. People fuss about the patterns in the sand drawn meticulously by these meditators, and the pretensions of inspirations all well tolerated by all concerned. It is a nice touch of course, but it is about those stones really, some placed symmetrically in the center of the patterns, some just about scattered randomly.

And maybe it is about how everything so random falls so perfectly into place in time.















Friday, May 1, 2026

The Man From Earth

 Another year, another nostalgic re-watch of The Man from Earth on youtube. It never gets old, and there are so few of such things in the world. Fewer by the year.


(WIP)

Wednesday, February 4, 2026

A Day Nine Story

(Spring of 2025, Bhimavaram, Raj)

Among the paddy fields of rural Bhimavaram, the mornings are filled with fog as the winter drags it stay well past its welcome . This one feels a bit more crowded than the ones that came before.
Just another day to go in the retreat, we are almost there. We sit and we stay silent. That is what this is all about. Just sit. Just stay silent. Just. 

We are screaming inside our heads. But that doesn't count. What counts is that you sit in silence externally and try to hopefully bring a sense of that silence to the inside. At the least, you don't let it go exploding onto the outside. That is the hope. 

I am here. And I am now. We start. But not for long. There are treasure troves of memories. Or mind maps of ideas. Or tragedies and melodramas galore. It is a maze and you don't get to choose. You are pulled in. Or pushed into a scene or a scenario. On good days you play out a comedy. On bad ones, there is tragedy. On worse days, you slide into existential questions. That is how the mind works. Lucky if you even notice it. If you do, that in itself is the path.

So you sit. Fortunately, no one hears the screams inside. But then, there are screams. Real ones. From the other side of the meditation hall.

Those screams are not of pain. Nothing so trivial. Those screams. Pain doesn't even start to understand the trauma that is making her shout her heart out like that. She has no control. It is a scary situation right away for everyone in the hall. 

Her voice started slow, with restrained sobs. Hardly noticeable if it were a public space. But this public space is different. Every tiny pin drop is heard, comprehended and wondered about by several dozen minds. Because there is nothing else. So these sobs register right away. Someone is sad, the brain says. A sense of foreboding. This is a vulnerable time to go down that path. 

But within a few seconds, probably hours deep within her psyche, it has transformed into uncontrolled, incomprehensible shrieks. Her voice filling the whole room in a high pitched cry of pure terror. 

This room has been an asylum for minds trying to be silent for ten days. Voices in whispers if there is ever a need. We are part of the silence by now. So when the screams came, they did not just fill the room with this perceived story of trauma, suffering and even a lament for help. No, the deep melancholy that was the source of this noise took down everyone and everything in that hall with it.

Within no time, I was crying. And I cried well, I tell you that. First, from the pure shock of her trauma and suffering. Then, it descended into all that had been boiling up in my mind for all those days. And my sadness has no names. Buried deep within surface level problems. Hidden in closets and shelves that are hard to reach and out of the way. Conveniently ignored for years. Decades. Not even a memory, these imperfections, or Sankaras as they called it in Sanskrit, have decayed into pure feelings. No form or recognizable events or people or phases in life, it is all just a gravy of things that have gelled together slowly and in secret, into an amalgamation of everything there is to cry about. 

There is only one way to clean this bowl. One cries. In that hall, I cried with her. For her sorrows. Not knowing the first thing about her or her sorrows, I kept sobbing, trying to still maintain my silence for the sake of not disturbing my neighbors while the Guru handled her situation. I went outside and sat on a bench to marinate in my misery a bit more. It was a beautiful morning to be terribly sad. Fog all around and sun just about rising on the horizon, and I am brought to a smile, even as I am sobbing, as I think of the surprise he is in for just in the first hour of his day. My eyes ran out of tears and my throat ran out of sobs eventually. Yet the heart would not stop. I just waited and watched it all come out. It slowly turned into hiccups and hitching. Breath finding its place again in the chest. Just settling in a state of melancholy that felt like it would stay there forever. I have to say, I liked it even then. Not every day does one get a chance to clean the slate so thoroughly. 

The afternoon came, mindful about vulnerable souls, ready to break at a hint of trouble, and brought back a sense of calm to the meditation hall again. Sort of.

Her wails were not something that would be washed away easily, whatever calm or silence comes along. Those walls will remember those notes of melancholy and desperation for a long time to come. Maybe without a structure. Maybe just becoming a part of the amalgamation of everything that there is to cry about.