Spread The Joy

Like it’s a Swine Flu virus.

Like it’s a joke about your lecturer’s accent.

Like you just don’t need it and people are thrash bins.

Like it’s cheaper than your father’s chappals.

Like it’s your birthday and you are filthy rich.

Like the world is waiting for your shit.

Like it’s tax free.

Like it’s rotten bread.

Like the news of the world ending in 2012.

Like there are no laws governing it.

Like you are getting paid for it.

Like people don’t hate you so bad after all..

Like you are a virus infected C D.

Like no rumors are left.

Like it’s the only joke that works for you.

Like you actually care.

Random Slapdash

A blank page looks nice. Like this blank page looked excellent before I started out this shit. But that is what this plain, blank page is about. That is the beauty. Beauty can be quite subjective. It can mean looks, brains, thoughts, intentions. Quite subjective indeed. Subjective as opposed to objective. Objectivity means that which doesn’t involve bias. Objective questions have only one answer, usually. May have many options but only one answer. Most of the entrance exams are objective these days. Which makes the execution of the exams very convenient.

Talking of exams, I wrote quite a few (And slept in the rest). And with a good passing rate too. From my experience I can say that preparation is the only alternative to cheating. Though cheating if applied could make your task much easier. But it comes with a higher risk which is implied in anything which promises easy returns. Risk in life is something which is to be endured. It is something which can be a disaster as well as an essence. Like risk, disaster is also inevitable. Not exactly inevitable because there might be someone who did not see life’s extremes yet. There is no guarantee that they might get a chance to see it in their lifetime. For people like that, life is more of a highway drive. But that highway is without any traffic or turnings. It’s like a video game with no game over. Quite boring.

Yes, I get bored rarely. Because I have things to do which are quite unnecessary. Doing things which are necessary is boring because you do it anyway. Not doing anything is boring too. So the only alternative left is doing things which are unnecessary (Also, not doing things which are necessary which is quite popular anyways). Like writing what I wrote. On this plain, beautiful page. Unnecessary things could vary from anything to even something! For instance, this blog is nothing (anything). But learning a guitar could be quite something. Which I plan to do. As I was planning to do from the last, what, two years.

Long time isn’t it, two years.. People change like hell in two years. People who were not in contact with me for the last two years say that I changed a lot. They say that after talking for five minutes or so. But if they spend a good week with me, they will change their minds. Because they will get an idea of the path that I went through to change the way I did. I bet this is the case with anyone. The funny thing is, I realized this thing, this logic about change, only when I was making this plain, blank page ‘beautiful’ – which, in turn, can mean many things.

One Day, Worth A Life

What if you have just one day to live?

One day and that’s it. Is it enough?? Enough or not? And for what?!

What do you do with the last Twenty four hours of the end..?

What do you do if you know that all that counts is this? This is it..

With whom will you spend it with..?

Family, Friends.. With whom..? Can you choose..?

And what if no one is left for you?

What if all that is left of you is you? Just you..

What if thoughts are all you have to spend for the longest Twenty four hours of your life?

Or shortest..? What do you think?

What if all the thoughts that come across are not good enough to be thought about?

Have you done deeds worthy of a life? Yet??

What if all the relations you had are not worth mentioning in the shortlist?

What if there is no short list? What if it is too short?

Can you bear the pain that all you have done is survive?

You just managed to survive.. Thats it? You did not live, did you?!

Is your life worth a drop of tears? At least your tears?

Do you have the time to weep now? Or is it too short?

What if you haven’t done enough to make yourself laugh now?

Or at least to smile? Is your life worth a smile? Of yours?

Did you work to achieve what others did not? Did you discharge your duty?

Is that how you count your life? What if ‘others’ are irrelevant now?

Survived by working. Working your life out..

And lived by? What? Did you have time to live then? When you had more time?

Maybe your friends were right that you did not keep touch..

Maybe your family was right that you were late from work and did not eat on time..

Maybe they meant a lot more than keeping touch and eating..

Maybe they meant living..? Did they?

What if the last thoughts you have are those of dismay and disgust?

Do you want to ask for one more chance?

One more chance to live it differently.. Without mistakes..?

Or maybe with mistakes.. Ones that are meant to be made? Maybe you know them now..

What if all you wanted until now is not what counts? Lost the count?

Were you too late to realize what you want? Late by a lifetime?

Were you too perfect for life?? Too good to risk??

Maybe too good to dare and ask.. huh?? Asking a bit too late now..

Maybe you should have done this a bit earlier?

This questioning and depreciating.. This killing..

Did you realize yet that you still have a bit of life to make up the count.. One day..

One day, worth a life.. Or is it?

Waiting for the bell..

I never listened in class. Neither in the college nor in the professional coaching centers. Neither in school nor in bugging-up intermediate college. I was and am a back bencher. I always went to college for friends if not for attendance. My point is if there is something you can’t learn yourself, the whole world can’t help you to learn it. I carry a bag because I don’t have any place to keep my novel or the earphones. Also, a bag makes a good pillow.

I am, though, not justified in saying that all the classes and courses people attend for ORAL coaching is just thrash. It is important. But we must understand that the only purpose of attending those classes should be to learn how to think about an issue rather than how to solve that issue. Because solving always follows thinking. If you know how to think then problem is just a variable. You can solve it irrespective of its complexity or uniqueness.

If you don’t attend a class to learn this, but to learn the ‘subject’, then the person standing there is no better than a book. In fact, a book is better off because you can read a book as long – and as many times – as you want, it’s cheaper, and your ears are safe.

Planned Accident

May 17^th, 2009. There was an accident on the highway. Two of my school friends were dead on the spot – Praneeth and Shiva. They were on my bike.

We started off at 10 in the morning from Secunderabad. It was a school get-together. I was not planning to go but once I met the friends, I had to go. As if that’s not enough, I went to Praneeth’s house and picked him up. He was never in the plan but was ready in 5 minutes. Shiva was never in the list too. Somehow even he turned up. And there were some 15 other people. We went to a resort near Ghatkesar. We played in the pool. We had some fun. We ate our lunch. And started back at 3 PM or so..

Praneeth had my keys. So he took out my bike. I did not think of asking him the bike back. I don’t know why but I should have. I was going to sit on the rear seat. But it was not to be so. Some other friend asked me to ride his bike because he wanted to ride some other new bike of another friend. So I went on to that guys bike. As I was on another bike, Shiva went and sat behind Praneeth – That was my place. All this happened in a minute or split of it.

So I was the one who was the reason for Praneeth to come and I virtually grabbed Shivas life. Technically speaking, my life is simply the opportunity cost of his. I was lucky in some ways. Not so lucky in other terms. I don’t believe in fate, consequently, I don’t have any words to describe it.

We started off from there and the accident took place in the next 10 minutes. It’s hard to describe how we felt when we saw that our friends who were playing with us half an hour back were not alive now!

But i can swear any day on this. They were two really good fellows. Were not perfect. No one is. But were a lot better than some people who are alive. Would have been nice to have them around.

Things You Better Not Try

                                       Pic Cour.: Sru.

 

This list could very well be infinite. Ill keep adding up the new funny things regularly. If you have anything as funny, you can tell me in the comments and ill include yours at the top of the list.

 
Ø Wake up your neighbor at 2 am and ask him about the schedule and venue of the next days cricket match between Bangladesh and Sri Lanka.
 
Ø Go straight to the happiest person in the group. Ask him how he was and as soon as he replies, just go on saying “So you took your bath today, huh??”
 
Ø Return the paper blank in 30 minutes and when the examiner says “Why don’t you write something?” look at him as if he were a door-to-door sales man and reply “Next time.!” He would also refuse to give your question paper back unless you sit for one hour but be strong to say “No, thanks”
 
Ø Whenever you find a question in the exam asking “Can you tell that” about some useless phenomenon or “Can you give the list” of something…. Don’t rethink. Just answer straight - “No.”
 
Ø Whenever your bro or sis is acting lazy to take a bath, start playing with his small conscience talking about how dirty it feels and how you are allergic to sweat and how ugly you feel about him. You can even act as if he/she is untouchable. Ten minutes of that shit and you are in for a real good fight (or thrashing).
 
Ø  Message your friends who are waiting for you for the past half an hour “Wait for 2 minutes and ill be there in one hour”
 
Ø You go for a dinner at relative’s house and they ask you what you want to eat. Ask back “What did you cook TODAY?”
 
Ø Someone is talking something rubbish and going quiet silly at that. Just shout "AAAAAAAhhhhhhh" but before he hits you, convert it into a tune "AAAAAAAha ha haha Oho ho hoho"
 
Ø "What’s the time?"

 "What do you expect?"
 
Ø Some old friend calls up and asks "Guess who this is?!"
Reply "Don't you know yet?"
 
Ø Go to your mom in the afternoon when you are hungry. Ask her "Did you cook anything today?" Then correct yourself saying "What did you cook today?"

A lesson on screwing up your life

He wasn’t the best student in our class. But wasn’t bad enough to end up like he did! Our only hope now is that its not the end..

After passing 10^th grade in a not so grand B grade along with us, he chose POLY TECHNIQUE over the regular intermediate - with electronics as majors. No one said it was bad. It wasn’t. Except that it was a 3 years course. But had a benefit that the B.Tech that followed was reduced to 3 years for them. But that is still a long way! The first year in the 3 year poly technique shit, he cleared most of the subjects. Not beginners luck but enthusiasm and a small dread that was assumed from the school. Then the problems started with the following semesters. He started failing more subjects as the course grew. The problem wasn’t the complexity of the course. It was the amount of distractions he gathered around himself.

But even then he wasn’t fully into the pickle yet. He struggled with some new subjects, cleared some old ones and so it was alright till the third year. Then came a new circle of friends into his world implying that he completely lost track of whats happening for three months or so. Even that was not the end. He eventually moved away from them and had a whole 2 months or so before the final exams of the third year. And he had some seven subjects in the spare as back logs. No one knows how he spent those two months and no one cared then actually. So he wrote the finals. To be correct, he just attended them and gave a blank paper most of the times. Other times he had more important works to do than write the most important exams in his life.

He flunked the exams successfully after his tremendous efforts. The girls in the middle would be a special mention here but he’ll never agree with me there. Maybe he is right. I don’t know. But that failure was just the beginning of a series of extravaganzas.

So he failed and he convinced his family that he was gonna complete it in the next year without any doubt. He wrote the exams in September again. Sorry, he just bunked all of them because there was still another attempt left for him. He told his parents that September was the last attempt but the results would come in May or something. So he still had the March attempt.

For March, he studied a bit more sincerely, at least because we were pressurizing him to do so. So he wrote the exams and wrote fine till the day before the last exam when he bombed me with another fact. That he didn’t write any of the exams except the first one. And first one, he gave gathered enough strength to give a blank paper. I tried not to get animated. I only hoped that he was trying to make an ‘april fool’ out of me. He wasn’t.

To sum it up, In addition to the one year that he wasted after the third year, he accomplished the task of wasting yet another year. The problem is that he is still at the beginning of that year! Its like standing at the foot of a huge mountain and wondering if he would ever reach the top. In fact, whether he wasted one year or a lifetime depends how his dad reacts when he gets to know this grand news! 

And now am off to play cricket. Of course with the lead character of this story!     

And yeah..no comments  :-)

 

Pessimism doesn't suck

The world belongs to optimists..

People say hope is everything. Obama uses one word ‘hope’ and gets elected to the most powerful office in the world. Thinking positive always helps and gets us enthusiastic and energetic regarding the task at hand. A pessimist life is weak and dreadful they say..

But what about all those things that you expected to happen some other way but ended messed up? If you had expected them get messed up already, don’t you think you would have been in a more feasible position to work them out more efficiently? Then you would have had the best result without any risk. Even if you could not solve it and even if the work is completely screwed, you would be more happy than before because you already expected it to get screwed and did your silly best to make it any kind of better..so no disappointments.

In addition, thinking of the worst makes people active. Makes them work hard to avoid it at any cost. Hence better efforts..And more importantly the best thing about pessimism is that you are proved right or else you were wrong for your own good!

TERRORISM – the funny side

Don’t take this in the wrong sense. I tell you, don’t take this in any sense at all!

Advantages of terrorism!!

Though the advantages do not even compete with the ravage and damage caused by terrorism, they still exist. Why else do you think the so-called superpowers still bear with the Pakistans and Al-Qaedas..

1. Economy – many people do not know that terrorism runs a parallel economy of illegal activities, smuggling and even some vital industries. If the western world were to eradicate Al-Qaeda and allied forces, which they are very capable of, the world economy would collapse in no time. Osama bin laden and co. own the major share in gum Arabic company, which exports a special gum to most of the world including America. This gum is vital in production of newspaper, cool drinks etc. Therefore, whenever you buy a newspaper or drink, you are supporting Osama!

2. Boon to the opposition – What better reason to accuse the ruling government, for the opposition, than the security to the lives of the people. I think politicians are the ones who look forward to such attacks more than the terrorists themselves do.

3. Press survives – you know how many people live in news media industry? As reporters? As anchors? As writers? In thousands..In addition, without terrorism, the whole sector would collapse virtually. It’s a fact that today terrorism is the main source out of which interesting shows or articles can be made out.. People want to watch or read interesting things. And terrorism makes news quite interesting!

4. Insurance – Earlier, the government used to introduce special tax benefits if people invested money in life insurance policies, to encourage people to take insurance cover. Now, it can comfortably withdraw all those exemptions. Because, when you are not sure whether you’ll return back home or not from that flop movie you dared to go, you sure would not hesitate taking a LIC policy ha..

5. Publicity – Anyone cared to observe the sales trend of GOKUL chat after the bombings? Its earning in lakhs day to day and now its also planning a new branch! I mean how’s that for publicity..You’ll find more people standing near gokul chat on a normal weekday evening than you’ll find in a MacDonald’s on any weekday! So, terrorism indirectly is boosting some popularity for places like that..

6. Recession – It gives us a reason to take our heads away from the economic failures and lay-offs.

7. Oneness – Nothing binds two sections of people more than a common enemy! People of Mumbai, for instance, have put their bullshit regional differences aside for as change to bring out a solution for this problem (Though they are not going to make much of a difference).

8. Security Personnel – Another economic sector booming because of terrorism. Also, causing handful employment activities to the people with fewer brains and more bodies! Again how else do you think the commandos and the special task forces get prove their efficiency if not for those incidents.

9. Self Esteem – How many of you are really born for a cause? Look their prospective - These people - the terrorists – are made to believe that they are born for one! Either a terrorist is training, hiding or in a mission, or he is already dead! Even the suicide bombers – Jihads - think that they are going to attain immortality. Damn about immortality and eternity but imagine the pride in the minds of those Mumbai terrorists minutes before they jumped into that suicidal action!

Resolution - or Things like that..

Well.. “What’s your resolution?” routine question around these times, eh.. I don’t know many people who’ll ask me that.. well I don’t have that kind of people around me.. and that’s one of the main reasons I didn’t make any resolutions till date.. I don’t intend to make any now anyways..

but it’s a interesting topic right!! Why? Because people always expect to hear weird things about resolutions.. at least interesting things.. or maybe it interests to hear out other people about how they wish they were..

so lets talk about the various resolutions one can make..maybe the various resolutions YOU can make.. :P

the best one would be to be more sensitive.. and if u ask my father, he’ll want me to be more sensible!!

Nevertheless, aint you happy the way you think you are... you don’t need to be sensitive as long as people know you are not an asshole. Anyways practical is what works today..what else..being sensible is out of question anyways .. :P

getting more marks..don’t you think getting marks is what you’ve done all through your life..

Getting up early is so out of fashion.. Don’t try to make new friends because best friends are not made, they just happen and too many friends is not good for health either.. :->

If you were going to college only for attendance and it is working fine, you need not change. It is not worth it.

Don’t get into weird things or Guinness book achievements, you’ll look stupid doing such things.

Don’t try to get in touch with departed friends because the main reason to part is that you were already bored of each other..At least they were!

Don’t make a resolution to visit places just for the fun of it.. Its not a valid reason..

To make a resolution not to make a resolution ever looks so silly, right!!

Are you thinking of going to yoga classes or some other exercise? Believe me its not going to work out.. certainly not for you..

Any more alternatives in mind, huh? Come on, there’s no straight rule that you’ll have to make decisions only at the start of a fresh year.. So take your own time, if you intend to make any decision that is.. :-))

Reality Check

Everyone has a dream in school, don’t they?? To be a pilot is quite famous :P and some others dream to make India corruption less!!

Everyone wants to be someone who inspires some other person. All of us wanted to become that high profile person in Hollywood movies having the power to make important decisions regarding matters having a high stake. We look in the mirrors and look so deep that it would break thinking “I wanna be a play maker someday. Someone at the top of the list”.

I too went through such phases. That was somewhere down in the school. Then in my 11^th and 12^th I learned that it was not easy to become a celebrity overnight. I decided that I still had some time to enjoy before I start out with serious hard work..

Now, being a graduation student I think I have matured somewhat. Being a successful person internationally or even nationally for that matter is more like impossible unless you start out very hard right from your school days whatever maybe the field you prefer unless you are extra talented. To be a playmaker is not a joke now.. being a leader is no more a fantasy to me(not that I am one now..).

But look at it this way – are you sure you wanna be a leader? Are you ready to sacrifice the little joys of your childhood to spend late hours in the coaching centers which give lessons to get a seat in prestigious institutions which in turn give coaching for some IITs? Are you ready to sacrifice the days when you were chit chatting with your best friends on your building terrace? Can you imagine the shape of your life without those memories? Can you sacrifice those times when you fought over the small bills of a bakery? Or the days when you spent the whole day in a playground playing less and fighting more? Or the joyous games with cousins during small get-togethers? Do you really wanna be a hero when you know that you are gonna be at the top but you are gonna be alone? With no one to really be happy that you are actually a hero? Can you miss out on those little birthday parties, birthday bums and heavy burgers? Is life worth it without those moments of little life when you shared your heart with your best buddies? Well, are you ready to ignore all the special friends you made over the years? The crush in your college for whom you actually go to college? Can you give up the long sessions of fights or arguments you had with your brother for a better salary than him?? (:|

Well, I am sorry - I can’t!!

So do the people who are out to be heroes really know what they are upto? Do they understand what they are missing? Do they ever understand that the environment they are in is not an obstacle to the dreams of their life but it actually is the essence of their unimportant life? Or do they realize that a few more bucks or a bit of applauds is not worth what they are missing – the actual life?

Well that’s how I look at life now. I am gonna be what I am meant to be. I am not gonna compromise my career because of small restrictions. I am still going to make it quite big. But equally so I am not ready to miss out the little joys which only my family and friends can give me - those joys which no success or salary package can afford. After all what is life when you don’t have a few people around you to joke at the fact that you actually succeeded or curse you at the fact that you were too lazy to succeed!!

Four A.m - Story of a beggar

Heyaa...back :-D. Well, four a.m is exactly the time i have finished this story and that has nothing to do with the actual story!!

I Am writing the story of a beggar here (No, I haven’t turned a beggar yet :-@) whom I and my friends happened to meet accidentally

This was when I was forcefully dragged to yadagiri gutta (Don’t act posh. you heard that place before, didn’t you? It’s a holy place btw)by friends. Why? They have this promise made to god which they have to fulfill (I don’t know the exact term :-P)

So we went there and finished whatever we wanted to do (I am not going into details for hell now) and on our way back through the stairs, we were passing by this beggar when one of us gave him a coin and we were going on when he said “Thank you, Sir”

We were not exactly surprised as he had every right to know basic English! We joked on our friend saying that a beggar could start speaking English after seeing him.

The beggars name was Ramalingam (I am not comfortable calling him a beggar too much), he was crippled, bent and his face was exactly how a beggars face would look like - worn out, uninterested and tired of life.

He somehow heard our talk and replied “Hello, I am a degree holder”

We were like shocked by that response but didn’t stop. After getting down a few steps, I gave the idea of going back and getting some info about how he got into such a position (just with a hope that we would learn to avoid at least one way of becoming a beggar!!) and one of us initiated and we went back to where he sat. But we didn’t go straight to him…We didn’t have the guts actually to go and talk to the man whom we accidentally insulted, we just sat on a rock a few steps from him and fought on who was to approach first. So, the guy who first gave him a coin went forward and dropped another one (keep count of the coins :-P) and started the conversation. I didn’t hear the whole of it as I joined in the middle. But I learned all the details later from them and this is the STORY OF RAMALINGAM THE BEGGAR (how’s that for a movie title eh? :->)

“I am from karimnagar district, usnabad” I means Ramalingam ra rascal! “I am a degree holder from public degree college in Usnabad. I am in this position by fate.” Then he told his whole story. “After my degree I got a job as an attender in a government office. Then, I changed a few jobs and in the end turned out to be a sweeper in a government hospital. I had some property, a wife and two children, a boy and a girl. Eventually, I fell ill and the doctors certified that one of my kidneys failed. So I took voluntary retirement and got a lump sum amount of Rs.6 Lakhs! “

I wonder if he was crippled from childhood.

“My property was on the name of my wife. She stole the money and ran away with another man and then sold my property off and now I don’t even know where she is! With nothing else to do, I turned out here to be begging. My children are studying under scholarship from government in a hostel. Both are district rank holders. I give them a helping hand with whatever I save here. I stay in a rented room down the hill here”

Well he didn’t last the whole story, he burst out crying half way down the story and we were moved. In fact, the first guy had tears in his eyes... our guy gave the beggar another coin and we found out the details of his college etc. We turned back not knowing how to console him (if there was any way). We dropped another coin and walked back.

But hopeless that we are, we were laughing in a few steps from there and I committed to myself that I was going to write the whole story of this Mr.Ramalingam on my blog!

Moral of the story: If you are reading this before the actual story, come from the first line now and you may get the lesson! But if you already read the whole story, then what is the point in telling you the moral? You must have already got it. Isn’t it?!! :-P

new blog about the college

I have opened up a new blog to give you an idea of how weird my college and friends are..
heres d link
www.weexceptme.blogspot.com

Why I am Messed UP Right Now..

5 reasons why i am in a complete mess
five point someone eshhtyle..

1. I have friends, who are too good to be abandoned.

2. C.A sucks.

3. I am obsessed with this fucking blog.

4. People expect a lot from me but i have created sufficient distractions for myself to screw up my whole time.

5. Damn, i am lovin' it this way!!

A Shot At Patriotism

So why d hell are we talkin about this stuff?? especially in my blog??

oh come on..its d independance day on 15th of august every year (not that you don't know) though we got it only once.. And this, friends, is the best season to discuss what we are upto for our very own mother land ( such topics are grabbed like hot cakes these weeks, so i decided to go with the trend!!)

Now don't say "so what" - afterall we are Indians (u and i) and we are affected by such things if not bugged up!!

yeah, cute gal, i know.but she has some time to go before being called youth..
but what about us youth? what are we cooking for the future of the nation as well as ourselves?
we all know the - now age old - story of ABHINAV, his determination etc. And we already had enough of Sania Mirza's, Aishwarya's, Anil ambani's and Sunil mittal's

We dont have those talents and looks (Yes dumbo..we means you!!) nor do we have dad's gifts or extra-terrestrial determination. So what are we gonna do for India? We dont even have the world famous freedom movement now to participate (Blame the oldies)

Fine, i'll tell you what you can do for your nation, your people and most importantly yourself- Just be yourself..do what you decided to do at the time of ur 10th or 12th with best efforts and go atleast half the heights you imagined yourself to be in the next few years. You suceeding in your own life is more like winning a gold medal to your family & friends and the nation (directly or indirectly).



Ofcourse, doing something in the lines of rang de basanti would be cool, bt humko utna scene thodi hai yaar (hai tho dikhado - tumare baare me blog me zaroor likunga --->>promise)

All those Rang de basanti things happen in movies, its not a real life thing u see or else it wouldnt have been such a big hit. Anyways we are a bit too cool for that. what say??!!

Tell you what, doing things legal and paying your taxes when you are eligible to would be more than enough to boost of your patriotism. As a bonus, you are always welcome to clean it up when your dog pisses on the morning walk!!





Now don't think that i don't know the order of colours on the national flag..I have just arranged it in the way Indian politics is working nowadays!!

MEN are from MARS, WOMEN are from VENUS. So where did Children POP UP from?

John Grey gave 101 ways to 'SCORE' with d other sex in his over-rated book.. i found it more funny than useful..n this is why!!

On the left, ull find what the author 'advised' - On the right i have my own comments or additions or you'll find out!

And all this is just for fun, no offence meant. Learn to take things Easy phattoooooooo..(maybe i shud've inserted this disclaimer at the end of d article.. ;-))
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101 Ways to Score Points With A Woman

1.Upon returning home, find her first before doing anything else and give her a hug. - Even before going to the toilet?

2. Ask her specific questions about her day that indicates an awareness of what she was planning to do. (e.g., "How did your day go? Did you have fun at the mall?") - And "Whom did you have fun with?"!!

3. Practice listening and asking questions. - Have a trial run in front of the mirror

4. Resist the temptations to solve her problems. - If you are tempted that is!

5. Give her twenty minutes of unsolicited, quality attention (don't read the newspaper or be distracted by anything else during this time). - Match on the TV must be an exception for sure

6. Bring her cut flowers as a surprise as well as on special occasions. - Cactus will do?

7. Plan a date several days in advance, rather than waiting for Friday night and asking her what she wants to do - Several in the sense?

8. If she generally makes dinner or if it is her turn and she seems tired or really busy, offer to make dinner. - Keep a poison bottle ready for such occasions..

9. Compliment her on how she looks - Jhooth bolna seekh lo

10. Validate her feelings when she is upset. - Like " Yeah you have every reason to be upset so carry on"??

11. Offer to help her when she is tired. - But make sure you don't sound serious..

12. Schedule extra time when traveling so that she doesn't have to rush. - N also so that u don't forget HER..

13. When you are going to be late, call her and let her know. - Just in case you want to return back seriously.

14. When she asks for support, say yes or no without making her wrong for asking. - Obviously say NO

15. Whenever her feelings have been hurt, give her some empathy and tell her "I'm sorry you feel hurt." Then be silent; let her feel your understanding of her hurt. Don't offer solutions or explanations why her hurt is not your fault. - Even if the fault is actually yours?

16. Whenever you need to pull away, let her know you will be back or that you need some time to think about things. - Don't do it.. it may be your only chance to a easy divorce!!

17. When you've cooled off and you come back, talk about what was bothering you in a respectful, non-blaming way, so she doesn't imagine the worst. - Well, let her imagine the worst na..after all TODAY'S IMAGINATIONS ARE TOMORROWS REALITIES

18. Offer to build a fire in wintertime. - As i told u .. just OFFER!!

19. When she talks to you, put down the magazine or turn off the TV and give her your full attention. - You seriously mean it?!!

20. If she usually washes the dishes, occasionally offer to wash the dishes, especially if she is tired that day. - Don't make it a habit though.

21. Notice when she is upset or tired and ask what she has to do. Then offer to help by doing a few of her "to do" items. - When does she not look upset btw?

22. When going out, ask if there is anything she wants you to pick up at the store, and remember to pick it up. - But the problem is they don't sell those diamonds at the local general store..

23. Let her know when you are planning to take a nap or leave. - Take her permission in writing

24. Give her four hugs a day. - If you manage to meet that many times that is!!

25. Call her from work to ask how she is or to share something exciting or to tell her "I love you." - Do it after all it is the OFFICE phone.

26. Tell her "I love you" at least a couple of times every day. - Thank god he didn't say couple of times a hour

27. Make the bed and clean up the bedroom. - 'll do that enthusiastically i know. Its the most important part after all!!

28. If she washes your socks, turn your socks right side out so she doesn't have to. - so is it already decided who washes the socks?

29. Notice when the trash is full, and offer to empty it. - Only trash, don't take her along with it!!

30. When you are out of town, call to leave a telephone number when you can be reached and to let her know you arrived safely. - Don't do it..let her be happy for sometime dude..

31. Wash her car. - SILLY!!

32. Wash your car and clean up the interior before a date with her. - Why don't you take a bath too for a change???!!!

33. Wash before having sex or put on a cologne if she likes that. - WELL.. Reader discretion recommended here!!

34. Take her side when she is upset with someone. - So that you wont be hurt!!

35. Offer to give her a back or neck or foot massage (or all three). - Other parts must be strained too..savvy?

36. Make a point of cuddling or being affectionate sometimes without being sexual. - Is that possible?

37. Be patient when she is sharing. Don't look at your watch. - Mobile is an exception

38. Don't flick the remote control to different Channel's when she is watching TV with you. - Or else she might snatch it away!

39. Display affection in public. - Show off that you two are STILL together!!

40. When holding hands don't let your hand go limp. - Oh come on, its involuntary

41. Learn her favorite drinks so you can offer her a choice of the ones that you know she already likes. - Write it down instead

42. Suggest different restaurants for going out; don't put the burden of figuring out where to go on her. - Yeah dont put the BURDEN of going out at all..

43. Get season tickets for the theater, symphony, opera, ballet, or some other type of some other type of performance she likes. - Don't forget to take madam's appointment before hand.

44. Create occasions when you both can dress up. - Dress up 'each other'?

45. Be understanding when she is late or decides to change her outfit. - No additions..that's a good enough joke i assume!!

46. Pay more attention to her than to others in public. - Bit difficult i guess..

47. Make her more important than the children. Let the children see her first and foremost. - Obviously shes already more important..who cleans all that shit up if she's not present???

48. Buy her little presents- like a small box of chocolates or perfume. - Or a match box..

49. Buy her an outfit (take a picture of your partner along with her sizes to the store and let them help you select it). - Maybe you can save some cash that way!

50. Take pictures of her on special occasions. - Pictures in what positions?

51. Take short romantic getaways. - Make sure they are short so that your partner doesn't doubt you!!

52. Let her see that you carry a picture of her in your wallet and update it from time to time. - Update it with her Friends' pics?

53. When staying in a hotel, have them prepare the room with something special, like a bottle of champagne or sparkling apple juice or flowers. - How about using a COLOGNE here?

54. Write a note or make a sign on special occasions such as anniversaries and birthdays. - Sign on what? toilet paper???

55. Offer to drive the car on long trips. - Don't use that trick if you your going by plane..

56. Drive slowly and safely, respecting her preferences. After all, she is sitting powerless in the front seat. - Is that an advice or INSULT?

57. Notice how she is feeling and comment on it- "You look happy today" or "You look tired"- and then ask a question like "How was your day?" - Remember the order of the questions..there is a possibility of messing up here!!

58. When taking her out, study in advance the directions so that she does not have to feel responsible to navigate. - Recollect that if you had studied for any of your exams in advance you wouldn't have had the problem of studying the directions here coz you would hired a driver

59. Take her dancing or take dancing lessons together. - Maybe let her go alone, so that both of you will learn something!!

60. Surprise her with a love note or poem. - Why down you chill up.. if you were good enough why did she fall for her office crush!!

61. Treat her in ways you did at the begging of the relationship. - Well, you cant repeat the same mistake again. Can you?

62. Offer to fix something around the house. Say "What needs to fixed around here? I have some extra time." Don't take on more than you can do. - Yeah..screws in her head are seriously out of place!!

63. Offer to sharpen her knives in the kitchen. - And reduce the population in the kitchen with the sharpened knives..

64. Buy some good SuperGlue to fix things that are broken. - SuperGlue??? What the F**K

65. Offer to change light bulbs as soon as they go out.

66. Help with recycling the trash. - Please don't ignore environment-conscious advices ;-)

67. Read out loud or cut out sections of the newspaper that would interest her. - Cut out sections of her instead and the newspaper editor will be more interested.

68. Write out neatly any phone messages you may take for her. - Anything else, Ma'am?

69. Keep the bathroom floor clean and dry it after taking a shower. - More reasons to buy a new hair dryer!!

70. Open the door for her. - And close as soon as she gets lost!!

71. Offer to carry the groceries. - Now he'll advice you to carry d luggage

72. Offer to carry heavy boxes for her. - N pack it for her??

73. On trips, handle the luggage and be responsible for packing it in the car. - Oh now i have started guessing right!!

74. If she washes the dishes or it is her turn, offer to help scrub pots or other difficult tasks. - Do you mean they are really difficult?

75. Make a "to fix" list and leave it in the kitchen. When you have extra time do something on that list for her. Don't let it get out too long. - The trick is to make the list and forget it, so that she learns how to do it in your absence :)

76. When she prepares a meal, compliment her cooking. - Actually don't learn to lie but make it a habit..

77. When listening to her talk, use eye contact. - Only EYE contact?

78. Touch her with your hand sometimes when you talk to her. - Of course with your hands..you naughty!!

79. Show interest in what she does during the day, in the books she reads and the people she relates to. - Are you telling me to be suspicious?

80. When listening to her, reassure her that you are interested by making little noises like as ha, uh-huh, oh, mmhuh, hmmmm. - And like 'CHUUUUUUUUU TOMMY,Nai..'

81. Ask her how she is feeling. - She's feeling like kicking your ass off

82. If she has been sick in some way, ask for an update and ask how she is doing or feeling. - Shez feeling like shit and your presence only worsens it!!

83. If she is tired offer to make her some tea. - With some added flavours like..

84. Get ready to go to sleep together and get in bed at the same time. - What did you expect huh?

85. Give her a kiss and say good-bye when you leave. - The author apparently watches a lot of Hollywood movies..

86. Laugh at her jokes and humor. - And then you can laugh at the the fact that you have actually managed to laugh at those jokes..or that's what he calls 'em..

87. Verbally say thank you when she does things for you. - So as to encourage her to interfere again??!!

88. Notice when she gets her hair done and give her a reassuring compliment. - Reassure that this one is as bad as the previous one!! I mean the mirror!! lolz

89. Create special time to be alone together. - Alone or together? puhleeeeez don't confuse people.. [:-(

90. Don't answer the phone at intimate moments or if she is sharing vulnerable feelings. - Not even your girlfriend's call.

91. Go bicycling together, even if it's just a short ride. - The shorter, the better!!

92. Organize and prepare a picnic. (Remember to bring to picnic cloth.) - And remember to forget your patner

93. If she handles the laundry, bring the clothes to the cleaners or offer to do the wash. - You can't be so obvious. can you?

94. Take her for a walk without the children. - And let them do the cleaning if its your turn!!

95. Negotiate in a manner that shows her that you want her to get what she wants and you also want what you want. Be caring, but don't be a martyr. - Being MARTYR is out of trend anyhow

96. Let her know that you missed her when you went away. - 'Escaped her' would be apt..

97. Bring home her favorite pie or dessert. - And who is going to pay the fucking bill???

98. If she normally shops for the food, offer to do the food shopping. - Especially coz you eat More than half of it..

99. Eat lightly on romantic occasions so that you don't become stuffed and tired later. - Later??? Can't you be specific?

100. Ask her to add her thoughts to this list. - You actually thought anyone is gonna read this list seriously?

101. Leave the bathroom seat down. -Now that's a joke in itself and the best of all!!