To whoever survives 2012

Dear Fellow Human Being

Since you live, congrats. Don’t think high of yourself. No one else survived other than you and the rats. Which implies that you are as insignificant as a rat or maybe worst, bacteria.

Here is my list of things you ought to do. I could guess that you lost your job - for reasons other than the economic melt down. You can keep yourself busy by fulfilling this wish list of mine.

Well, get used to living by the idea of me not being around. I know it’s tough but don’t die. Because it doesn’t matter anyhow now.

1. First of all, why don’t you brush. So that you can concentrate on other things in this list. A neem stick (Indian Lilac if you are an English ass) is what you need since there’s no one left to manufacture a fucking paste for you!

2. Well, go out and look for a pet named puppy. If you find it, love it.

3. You might as well find some aliens roaming around freely, with no human beings to hide from. Don’t ask them any autographs, give them their space and they might let you live.

4. Next big thing, look for a female survivor. If it’s anything like a Hollywood movie you will find one. You might well be the next ‘savior’ i.e. the next Jesus if you did!

5. You know what to do with a female right! Of course this is in assumption that you are a male. It doesn’t really matter if you are a female and you found another female, whatever efforts you may put.

6. If you got a cam, take some pics of piles of dead bodies and rotten tomatoes. They’ll be fun to see later..

7. Don’t get pissed off if the debit card machine isn’t working. Asshole, what are you going to do even if it worked!

8. Whatever you do, do it fast. Don’t try to follow traffic rules. Not now!

9. By the way, puppy doesn’t really exist okay, I was just checking you out..

10. Lastly, if you have this letter in your hand but you are one of the stinking dead bodies, I hope you are not reading this.